How to Get Warm

For the purposes of this article, let us assume that there are some couples out there who disagree on the optimal home temperature (for humans, and on the planet Earth). These couples are probably otherwise blissfully married, but can't get around the temperature thing. Let's just say that the wives like the house to be above, oh, say 50 degrees. If you find yourself in a similar situation, you will be interested in reading about some great ways to warm up.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A will to survive

1. The staircase is your best friend. Run up and down the stairs ten times or so, and that will tide you over for a few minutes. Actually, I take that back, the electric blanket is your best friend. I do not recommend the "heated throw." It is a tease. You can cover your shoulders or your feet, but not both at the same time.

2. Cook. Or at least turn on the oven. Actually, that's probably wasteful. So, cook something. Potatoes are easy, and they are warm when you put them in your pockets.

3. Get lots of pets. Have you heard the expression "it's a three dog night"? That means it's cold! Arrange treats strategically around the perimeter of your body to encourage your pets to lay next to your icy frame. Place extra treats near your extremities.

4. Wear lots of layers. For example: cotton, flannel, wool, flannel, parka, blanket.

5. Clean your house. Dance. Exercise. Drink coffee. (For the greatest effect, do all of these things at the same time).

6. Crank up the heat when you're home alone. Make sure to turn it back down before your significant other arrives home.

7. Don't have anything to drink for at least seven hours before bedtime. You are not going to want to get up to use the facilities in the middle of the night.

8. Crochet a little nose-hat for night time. (You can bunch the blankets up around your head, but that little bugger is still going to stick out and get cold).

Tips & Warnings

• This article is meant in good fun, and is aimed at those of you who are cold due to a disagreement about the temperature. It is in no way intended to make fun of people who are suffering because of an inability to pay for heating. In fact, if the latter does apply to you, or someone you know, you should note that there are energy assistance programs available. Details can be obtained by contacting your oil or electric supplier.
• FYI, I am actually in a equal opportunity temperature relationship, and I can choose to turn on the heat if I want to.

[e-Rambler]

on 12/9/2009 Lots of suggestions for getting warm here, thanks!

[dlcass]

on 3/14/2009 LOL...This article is hilarious! I LOVE your sense of humor. I have actually done some of these things to keep warm. Please write more.

[LilacGirl]

on 12/30/2008 I really loved reading your fun and funny article! It made me laugh! All your tips are great ones, seriously though and work well.

[Susanh]

on 11/17/2008 Excellent! My hubby would probably keep the heat up to 80 or so if he could, but since he's a "money man", that plays in my favor. We keep it around 69 to 70 degrees. I'm happy and he wears several layers! Either way, we're still happy and we save a bit of $$ too. 5*****

[MI-Sandi]

on 11/13/2008 Great tips. You forgot to mention the hot bath! Thats my fav way to shake a chill! 5*