How to Expand Emotional Intelligence in Your Family

Just because you understand complicated mathematical equations doesn't mean you understand your family, children or teens. To feel close to loved ones you need access to your sensitive side. Developing a high EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) will keep your family thriving. Here is how.

Instructions

1. Tune into Gut Feelings.

   When you can identify your own feelings you equip yourself with emotional radar. Emotional radar allows you to respond instead of overreacting. Rather that an off-the-cuff, knee-jerk reaction to your teenager's sulking you'll be able to plug into your own teenage angst. This ability to recognize what you might feel in the same situation lets you empathize with what others are struggling with. When you respond, "I remember feeling that way myself," you're building a bridge that will keep you close.

2. Manage your Feelings Appropriately.

   When loved ones are behaving in ways you don't understand you need a high EQ to give good guidance. Just because family members are upset, doesn't mean you have to get upset too. You'll be able to find a creative solution if you show self-control. In heated or confusing situations, take a step back and consider what an appropriate, kind response might be.

3. Take Personal Responsibility.

   Children need parents who set the example of self-awareness, self-control, and self- motivation. How would you rate yourself in these three areas? A high EQ means you consider family members' feelings, you behave appropriately, you motivate yourself and set the example for your children. Your family is energized when you model personal responsibility. By responding from your center rather than overreacting and criticizing, you are a wise compassionate leader and your family benefits.

4. Drop What Doesn't Serve your Family.

   What steps do you need to take to ensure that your family is happy, secure and thriving? Trying to keep up with the neighbors or comparing yourself to others is not good for family life. Put energy in what is good for your family. Create a family life that fits with your values and goals.

5. Take a Time-out and Time-in.

   We all need time-outs to calm down when we're upset and we also need time-ins to talk about what happened. A time-out teaches a child the benefits of cooling off, impulse control and how to delay gratification. When you send your child off for a time-out, tell him that you will have a time-in when he's feeling relaxed and behaving, so that you can talk about what happened. Practice taking time-outs and time-ins for yourself too. After all, the best way to teach is by example.

6. Be Curious.

   Ask about the challenges and successes that family members face. Hear their stories and ask about their day. Be curious about their goals. Be happy for their victories and console them when they're troubled. Give each member a choice in family matters. By participating in the matters that affect them, everyone will be more willing to cooperate and make a contribution.