How to Console a Foster Parent Who Has Lost a Foster Child

The grief of losing a foster child, whether the child is returned home to parents, or moved for adoption, can be overwhelming to foster parents and foster siblings. After parenting a child for a year or more, the child is gone. The pain can be similar to the death of a child depending on the length of the foster placement and the family's attachment. How can you console a foster parent who has lost a foster child?

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Sympathy
• Cards
• Phone Calls
• Foster family friends

1. 
   Send a card

   Send a sympathy card to the foster family who has lost a foster child. This acknowledges their pain, it says that you understand the loss was real and you sympathize. So many people act as if it is not a big deal, but it is.

2. 
   Call

   Call and express your sympathy. Let your friend know that you are willing to listen if she or he needs to talk. Acknowledge your friend's attachment and your understanding of the grief.

3. Offer to babysit for the other children in the home so your friend can get away for a few hours. If your friend doesn't have other children in the home, offer to buy dinner and movie for the two or three of you.

Tips & Warnings

• Just listen, when a person is grieving words are not necessary, friendship is.
• Grieving the loss of a child can take years, the first few months are the hardest.

Resources

• What Is Adoption Subsidy, Who Gets It, How Much, and for How Long
• How to Tell if You Are Being Scammed by Adoption
• How to Tell if Your Adopted child Has FAE Fetal Alcohol Effect
• How to Tell if Your Foster child Has an Eating Disorder
• Attending Support Group Combined With Training
• What Does an Adopted Child’s Birth Certificate Look Like?
• How to Prescribe Behavior to Prevent Child Meltdown.

[kaytay]

on 3/25/2009 excellent advice. I am just starting foster care and I realize that the toughest part will be saying goodbye. thanks for the tips on dealing with the loss

[painthorse42]

on 10/27/2008 Very nice advice! 5*