How to Tell a Boyfriend that You are Pregnant
Finding out about a pregnancy can be a joyful time or a time of great stress, primarily dependent on whether or not the pregnancy was planned and the life circumstances at the time of finding out about the pregnancy. The correct strategy for informing your boyfriend or partner about a pregnancy depends on those factors as well.
Other People Are Reading
Instructions
-
Telling a Boyfriend About a Planned Pregnancy
-
1
Make sure that you are really pregnant. If your period is simply late, this may be a sign of pregnancy but there can be other reasons. If your pregnancy test is positive, you are definitely pregnant and it is time to proceed with telling him.
-
2
Decide whether you want to do something fun to surprise him. For example, there are specialty greeting cards you can buy that have fun messages to inform dads-to-be about pregnancy. Or if you have other children, you can buy your child a shirt that says "I'm going to be a big brother/sister" and simply put the shirt on your child and let him figure it out. Using these types of strategies is a good idea only if you think your boyfriend is going to be happy about the news.
-
-
3
Choose the right time and place. Finding out that he is going to be a father is likely to be a major event in your boyfriend's life, especially if this will be his first child. You should tell him sometime when he isn't in a rush or distracted by something else. Don't tell him when he's frantically searching for his keys in order to get to work on time. Instead, pick a time when he can give you his full attention without pressure from outside circumstances.
-
4
Break the news. Either simply tell him that you are pregnant, or use the fun tactic you chose in step 2. Give him room to react to the news. Even if you have previously discussed and planned the pregnancy, he may be shocked at first when the baby becomes a reality instead of just an idea.
-
5
Begin planning for the pregnancy and the eventual birth of the baby. Ask him if he wants to attend the prenatal appointments with you, particularly any appointments when the fetus will be checked with an ultrasound. If you are not currently living together with your boyfriend, begin thinking about and discussing how you plan to share the responsibility for the baby after the birth and whether he will need to pay child support.
Telling a Boyfriend About an Unplanned Pregnancy
-
6
Verify that you are pregnant. There are other reasons why your period might be late, and especially if pregnancy would be unwelcome news, it makes sense to make sure that you really are pregnant before telling your boyfriend. A home pregnancy test will give you a reliable answer as to whether or not you are pregnant.
-
7
Think about what you want to do about the pregnancy. If you are positive that you plan to keep the baby, begin thinking about what you want from your boyfriend and whether you are prepared to go it alone if he reacts negatively to the news. If you think you do not want to keep the baby, decide what you want from your boyfriend, such as whether you are asking him to pay part of the cost of a termination or to sign off on adoption. If you cannot decide what you want to do, that is okay too and you can discuss the matter with your boyfriend to try to figure it out and then come to an agreement.
-
8
Decide what you want from your boyfriend in the matter. If you are planning to keep the baby, know whether you expect him to pay for part of the costs of caring for the baby and whether you expect him to be an active father. If you are planning to terminate the pregnancy, decide whether you expect him to pay part of the cost of the procedure.
-
9
Choose a time and place where you will not be distracted or pressured, and tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. Be aware that your boyfriend may be thrilled about the prospect of being a father, or he may react emotionally and in disbelief if the pregnancy was a complete surprise. If he reacts emotionally, be prepared to give him space to process his feelings and continue the discussions about how to deal with the situation at a later time. Realize that the news is likely as major and shocking for him as it was for you when you found out you were pregnant, so it helps to be sympathetic as he is reacting to the news.
-
10
Come to an agreement about how to proceed. If your relationship is on fairly stable ground, you may have no problems coming to an agreement about parenting arrangements (or other plans) and proceeding with the situation as partners. However, if your relationship was of a more casual nature or if the relationship was not stable, things may not work out so well and you will need to be prepared to proceed on your own. In this situation, it always makes sense to consult with a lawyer over child support and custody arrangements -- before the baby is born.
-
1
Tips & Warnings
If your boyfriend does not step up to the plate and take interest in the fathering role, consider joining an online or in-person support group for single mothers. A support group is usually a great resource for emotional support as well as advice on the practical aspects of single parenting.
