How to Redirect Aggression
Redirecting aggression may sound simple on the surface, but childhood aggression is a serious problem if parents do not address it. Some children are naturally aggressive, outgoing, gregarious and know just how everyone should play. Natural leaders are aggressive in their approach to friendship, playtime and even interactions with their parents. But aggression can go too far and it’s up to the parents to identify problem areas and redirect that aggression.
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Instructions
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How to Redirect Aggression
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Identifying aggressive behavior. How does a parent know when their child is being dangerously aggressive? Dangerously aggressive behavior involves verbal or physical assaults on animals, other children, on parents and even on inanimate objects. Consider, for a moment, if you feel threatened by a child’s reaction. When they get angry, do they throw things? Do they scream insults? Do they slam and break objects? Are they more likely to hit another child to get what they want? If you can answer yes to these, then your child is not managing their own aggression and it is up to you as the parent to teach them the skills they will need.
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What parents should do. Children are exposed to multiple levels of violence in society from the television shows to interactions with other people. Humor on television makes fun of others and shows verbal lampooning as a way to get laughs. Parents need to be firm in their attitudes toward aggressive behavior and violence.As a parent, you know your child best, but you may not be able to pinpoint whether a child is being aggressive directly or if their behavior is being triggered by another event. Patterns of events can tell you whether your child is acting or reacting.
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How parents can track their child’s behavior. As a parent, you can check your child’s behavior in several ways, but the easiest may be to keep a log of what is happening with your child’s behavior, both good and bad. Every day, document what happened and how your child reacted. You may notice a trend in their aggressive behavior related directly to competitive games, video games or with their playmates. You may also notice that what you perceived as aggressive behavior is not aggressive directly, but aggressive reactively. Children can be very tough on their friends, when one child gets aggressive with another, it’s possible for the child to become more aggressive in response. What you’re looking for here is the pattern and whether aggressive behavior is an issue. You can also use this system to identify your own responses to their behavior. Your behavior is an important guidepost for your child’s choices.
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Use the Chart: Using the chart you’ve created, see if you can anticipate the triggers that will anger you or yourself. You can learn to avoid these situations and teach your child to do the same thing. If you react with anger whenever a driver does something you don’t like on the road, it’s hardly surprising that your child will react with anger when other people do things they don’t like. Have conversations with your child and yourself. Ask what can you do to keep from getting angry, what can you do instead of yelling, and how can you use the energy of your anger to do something else.Breathing exercises can help. Whatever you teach your child, you should also practice because demonstrating restraint helps to teach restraint. If your child finds something annoying, tell them to take a couple of breaths. Teach them how to express the anger in a verbal way. Instead of “I hate you!” Teach them to say “I don’t like it when you do that.” Redirecting that aggression into positive communication techniques can not only reduce the aggression, but allow your child an opportunity to express themselves. Most often, angry or aggressive children are seeking to express themselves, but they don’t know how.
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Teach positive directions. While you are redirecting their anger, teach them positive directions and actions they can take. A child is never too young to learn kindness and compassion. Remember when you are documenting their aggressive behavior, make notes of their positive behavior. Reward it with positive comments and compliments. Applaud your child when they are genuinely funny, but remind them that funny is never mean or cruel to others.
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Tips & Warnings
Consequences for aggressive behavior should be firm and non-violent. They should always include an apology to the victim of the child’s aggression as well as a loss of privileges or freedoms.
Supervise your child. Children behave the worst when they believe they can get away with it. A firm parental eye can go a long way towards defusing bad situations before they start. Remember, your child is learning to control their aggression; they are going to need firm reminders.
Keep in touch with your child’s teachers and other caregivers. Those adults are your allies in teaching your child better choices than aggression.
Always model positive behavior for your child and control your own aggression. In other words, practice what you preach.
If you are concerned about your child's level of aggression, consult with a family physician and/or child psychologist. Aggression may be a symptom of a more serious issue.
