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Step 1
Set the ground rules. Women give a lot of themselves to others, so much, in fact, that they often neglect taking care of themselves. That’s why it’s important that you, as a female mentor, set ground rules with your young proteges. Set ground rules like your availability, what the mentorship will consist of, and how you plan to help them build happy, healthy marriages. It’s also the perfect time to explain that your time is just as valuable as theirs, therefore, you expect their undivided attention: cell phones must be turned off, children must be left with a babysitter, and chores must be left unattended.
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Step 2
Plan a meeting schedule. Due to various outside obligations, women can’t always meet with their mentors on the same day of the week, at the same time each week. If your mentorees cannot stick to a rigid schedule, be flexible. Pull out your calendars, and decide which times and dates work for both of you.
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Step 3
Encourage venting without consequences. Women need mentors who can be distant and objective when it comes to letting them blow off steam—unlike parents or friends, who tend to take the side of the woman. Mentees need to know that if they’re having a bad day, they can turn to you without their words causing harm or judgment on their spouses. They need to know that you know they don’t always mean what they say when they speak out of anger, hurt, or fear.
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Step 4
Be an active listener. Mentorees need mentors who show—with their body language and their eyes—that they are indeed interested in what is being said; that they are listening. They need to know that no matter how distance their spouses may seem at times or how much others demand of them that there is someone out there who cares enough to just be there for them. Being an active listener does more than just show them, it makes them feel safe—even protected.
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Step 5
Provide guidance. Women can sometimes feel like they are all alone in the world, as though no one else understands them or what they’re going through. By offering your knowledge based upon personal experience and training, you can help your mentorees deal with whatever they’re facing. Just remember to avoid gossiping about others, and to keep your personal life personal—speak in general terms when in doubt of whether or not your spouse would approve of you sharing certain information.
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Step 6
Speak specifics. New brides aren’t always spoken to candidly about what to expect when they get married, how to handle arguments, or how to deal with delicate situations, like sex. This is the perfect opportunity to talk to the young bride about what makes a good marriage, how to compromise when each partner has a unique way of doing things, and how to handle arguments without getting violent or becoming a patsy. It’s also important to discuss with the young bride what she wants out of the marriage and how she can achieve those goals without alienating her husband; especially when finances and career goals are concerned.
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Step 7
Push for action. Mentorees cannot grow if they don’t step outside their comfort zones or agree to make changes within their marriages and themselves—regardless of how small those changes may be at first. It’s simply not enough to be good listeners or active conversationalists, they must also be doers. Provide small action steps to help steer your mentorees in the right direction.
