How to Stop Fighting With a Spouse About Money

Money--or a lack of it--is one of the biggest stresses in a marriage. You and your partner might have vastly different spending and saving habits. However, this is one attribute that most couples either gloss over or altogether fail to discuss before marriage. This can lead to serious tension and hostility down the road, when one spouse wants to spend and the other wants to cushion the savings account. Learning how to come together over financial issues will strengthen you as a couple.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Have a meeting together to discuss your budget and lay some ground rules. Sit side by side on the sofa, or some other comfortable place, with your bills, a pad of paper and bank statements. By sitting next to each other rather than across a table from one another, you will immediately feel as though you are tackling a problem together instead of arguing your case to an opponent.

2. Set a monthly or weekly limit for purchases that you can each make without consulting each other. The next time one of you considers buying anything over that amount--even if it's only $1--you must confer with your spouse. Make sure that this amount is something realistic that will not hurt your budget.

3. Talk about why either of you might feel the need to spend or hoard money against the other's wishes. Generally, the issue is more than financial. It might be power or control, or it could even be retaliation or a way to get your spouse's attention. By digging into the heart of the matter, you can begin to fix the problem.

4. Keep calm while hashing out your budget. If the discussion becomes too heated and verges on an argument, take a break. Just make sure you do come back and resolve the issue.

5. Seek help from a pro. If you simply cannot come to an agreement that is feasible for both of you, find a financial counselor who can help you resolve your differences and plan for your future. Consider talking to a marriage counselor as well, who can help you deal with any underlying issues.

Tips & Warnings

• Use budgeting software or other tools to simplify the process.
• Don't put all the blame on your partner. It is highly unlikely that the problem is completely one-sided. Instead, resolve to overcome the problem and improve your relationship.

Resources

• Money management tools

[sarahep88]

on 6/23/2009 Loved this advice, my husband and I are always fighting over money! I hope to apply these steps and get positive results!!!

[Sounique]

on 12/14/2008 Great advice!