eHow launches Android app: Get the best of eHow on the go.

Click Here
How To

How to Draft a Dear John Letter

Contributor
By Laurie W
eHow Contributing Writer
(0 Ratings)

Deciding to write a "Dear John" or "Dear Jane" letter may be very difficult for you, but if you truly cannot face the person you want to break it off with, then you must be brave and forge ahead. It is always better to break up in person, but if you decide to go the letter route, at least ensure that your missive is as thoughtful and empathetic as possible without confusing the recipient (into thinking you don't really want to dump him!).

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging
Instructions

Things You'll Need:

  • Nice stationery
  • Pen
  • Stamp
  1. Step 1

    Pick out some nice stationery. This may sound antiquated, but it's not–it's much more thoughtful than an email (heaven forbid) or computer-generated letter. This is not a business relationship you are ending, it's a romance.

  2. Step 2

    Think short and sweet, but not at the expense of meaning. You do not want this letter to be a drawn-out review of your every moment together, but neither do you want it to be cruel.You should start out with something like, "Dear John, first I want to thank you for every heartfelt gift you've ever given me–including the gift of your time and dedication." Or it can be a line such as, "Dear Jane, I hate Dear John letters and here I am writing one. If you are still reading this, please know that this is excruciatingly difficult for me. I loved you deeply at one time."There is no perfect way to break someone's heart, but at the very least you can use the Dear John letter to show him a level of respect that he deserves. This is not the time to chastise him for bad habits or a crazy mother.

  3. Step 3

    Include words that applaud him for his deepest attributes: "generous," "caring," "selfless," "tender," "sweet," "pure," "giving."

  4. Step 4

    Read your letter back a couple of times before you send it.If you've even hinted at saying something as cruel as, "And I didn't want to fund your trip through Europe!" or "This is what happens when you date a player," then don't even think of sending it. Start again.

  5. Step 5

    Mail the letter.If your significant other calls you in the two days it takes to get the letter, try to dodge the call. That may sound cruel, but there was a point in sending this letter, after all. If you do pick up the phone and talk to him, you must be honest and tell them to expect something in the mail, that you are not free to see him today/tonight. Try to avoid talking about the future.

Tips & Warnings
  • Use empathetic words that show you've valued the time you've spent together.
  • If you can possibly break up in person, do it. Even the best-written, most thoughtful Dear John letters will strike the recipient as a poor substitute for your explaining to him, in person, why you are doing this. It will seem (and usually rightly so) that you are too chicken to face him in person (and often for good reason).
  • Don't over-analyze the act of doing this: of course it will hurt.
Subscribe

Post a Comment

Post a Comment

Related Ads

  • Have you done this? Click here to let us know.
I Did This
Get Free Relationships & Family Newsletters

Copyright © 1999-2009 eHow, Inc. Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the eHow Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.   en-US Portions of this page are modifications based on work created and shared by Google and used according to terms described in the Creative Commons 3.0 Attribution License.

eHow Relationships and Family
eHow_eHow Parenting, Relationships and Family