How to Co-Parent With An Ex-Spouse During Weekend or Other Visits

When moms and dads separate or divorce, children usually end up spending time with each parent in their separate homes--which is bound to bring up some challenging situations. Whether the issues are related to new personal relationships, money spent on the children, or disagreements over rules and structure, children are often caught in the middle of tense parental relationships. Learn how to work together to develop a parenting plan that satisfies everyone, and you will foster a healthy environment for yourself and your children.

Instructions

1. Meet with your ex-partner in a neutral place like a park or restaurant to discuss ground rules for co-parenting and guidelines that can be followed in both homes.

2. Agree on a set of rules and expectations for your children that will convey a message of continuity for your children.

3. Discuss flexibiilty in the regular visitation schedule. Allow the non-custodial parent some leeway regarding changes in scheduling meals, bedtimes and other routines during vacations, holidays, or when an outing has been planned.

4. Share your home rules with each other. Compare notes to see where you agree; then discuss those points where you disagree and come to a compromise solution so your children will know what to expect in both places.

5. Set limits on money spent on children. Sometimes a non-custodial parent feels compelled to spend more on the children to make up for time not spent with them, but limits should be set to avoid children's preference for one parent based on material possessions.

6. Decide on rules governing new personal relationships. Stay focused on what both of you think your children should be exposed to. For instance, you might suggest that a non-live-in girlfriend or boyfriend should not spend the night while the children are there. Different rules will apply for couples who live together. For example, you may want to consider a rule stating no sleepwear (adults') outside the bedroom.

7. Share your final list of rules and regulations with your children. It's best to do this together, so your children know the rules govern both homes. This dual representation avoids children trying to manipulate both parents to get what they want.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid an accusatory or confrontational attitude or voice when discussing rules and boundaries related to co-parenting.

• Do not conduct any meeting with your ex-spouse in front of the children. This puts an undue burden on the child.