How to Break up With Your Live-in Boyfriend

Breaking up is tough enough on its own. When a couple is living together, it can truly become an ordeal. If you want to break up with your live-in significant other, you'll need a plan to tackle the tough realities, both logistical and emotional, which come with this choice. Here are some guidelines.

Instructions

1. Assess your feelings about the relationship. All long-term relationships have their ups and downs, and before you make the decision to end a live-in relationship, make sure you've taken the time you need to be sure this is really what you want to do. Once you've brought up the idea of ending your cohabitation, it'll be very difficult to go back.

2. Assess your boyfriend's feelings about the relationship. Is he likely to be unpleasantly surprised by a talk about breaking up, or is he likely to agree that it's time for both of you to move on? If your circumstances are right, say, if the two of you are still good friends but both know that the romantic aspect of the relationship just isn't working, you may be able to simply become platonic roommates. But be careful with this option—a partner who doesn't want to break up may latch on to the "just roommates" idea in hopes that you'll become something more again some day.

3. Prepare for the worst if you think it may happen. People who are dumped can behave very badly, and living together makes you extremely vulnerable. Discreetly remove valuable possessions before mentioning the idea of a breakup. If you're worried about a dangerous or violent reaction, get friends and family to help you move all of your things out at a time when he isn't around. If he has a history of violence toward you, contact a local women's shelter for advice. This advice only applies if your boyfriend is truly dangerous or unpredictable, however. If he's a reasonable person, it would be unfair to move out suddenly without talking to him first, so skip to Step 4.

4. Tell your boyfriend you wish to break up. Prepare what you're going to say ahead of time and be honest and firm, but as considerate of his feelings as possible. Don't tell white lies, but don't say any more than you need to about the whys. After you've talked about ending your relationship, ask if he'd like to discuss plans for changing living arrangements now, or if he'd rather take a day to process the breakup itself first. Abide by his wishes. Sleep on the couch.

5. Make plans to change living arrangements based on your current living situation. Always be reasonable and fair toward your ex, but be firm in case he has trouble accepting the change or tries to keep it from happening. If he's paying the rent and solely responsible for the lease, it will be easy for you to leave. If the reverse is true, you will have to ask him to leave. When doing this, agree together on the amount of time you will give him to find a new place and move out. Hold him to that deadline.If you're sharing the rent and lease, you'll have to decide whether one of you will find a new roommate or both of you will move out and find new tenants to sublease (assuming your lease doesn't have a lease-breaking allowance). Since you are initiating the breakup, things will most likely go more smoothly if you're willing to be flexible and let him choose how he wants things to go. Avoid adding insult to injury. If you choose the latter option, take responsibility for finding the tenants yourself, but make sure he agrees to abide by your decision. If you are leaving and he plans to find a new roommate, this will be his responsibility. Agree upon a time frame before the search begins.

6. Before parting ways, plans how you'll handle later discussions regarding the distribution of any deposit refund or paying for any damages to the apartment. If feelings are particularly painful for one or both of you, consider sending a diplomatic friend to represent you in the discussion.