How to Forgive Cheating and Mend Your Relationship
One the most difficult things you'll ever ask of yourself is to forgive when you learn your partner has been cheating. Whether you're married, in a common-law or long-time committed partnership, finding out your beloved preferred someone else even if it was only for one night cuts deep. You believed the vows and promises to be faithful and now you're faced with betrayal on the most intimate level. The only way to decide how to forgive cheating and mend your relationship is to ask yourself and your partner some very hard questions.
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Instructions
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Confront your partner. Whether they came clean or you found out about their cheating from another source, you have to get right to the root of the matter. To even begin the forgiving process you have to have all the facts. It's not going to be pleasant. There may be points at which they'll cry and ask your forgiveness just based on the length of your relationship, but you have to set aside both your anger and your fear and ask them to participate in a truthful dialogue.
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Listen. Really listen to what they are saying. Hearing all the facts that led to their betrayal is going to take courage on your part. You're going to hear truths that may involve their perceived reasons on what you have or have not done to contribute even slightly to their straying. You might hear reasons that border on childishness, whimsy or confusion. You have to steel yourself and hold back from cutting in or interrupting before both of you get off track and forget the reason why you're having the dialogue. The most important thing is to decide if it's possible to forgive cheating and how you can work to mend your relationship.
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Ask your questions. After they're finished with their explanations, it's your turn. Even though they've run through it once, you're going to have to dig even deeper. Steer them back to the places where you really need clarification. Forgiveness is an act of kindness towards someone who may or may not deserve it. Cheating is often viewed as one of the most hurtful acts one partner can inflict on the other. Your inclination is to feel devastated as to why you were not enough for that person. Only by leaving no question unanswered can you purge some of the devastation and make room for forgiveness.
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Keep an open dialogue. After the process of discovering their indiscretion, confronting them, asking your questions and deciding to forgive, mending your relationship is going to involve constant communication. You're both going to be nervous for a time; maybe a long time. They're going to wonder if you'll all of a sudden rescind your forgiveness and walk out; you're going to wonder if they'll ever stray again. Embracing forgiveness is only the first step. Rebuild your trust in each other and find a new way of being with each other that strengthens and mends your relationship.
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Tips & Warnings
Once choosing the path of forgiving cheating, keep reminding yourself of what that person meant to you prior to their betrayal and use that as a touchstone. The foundation of your relationship has a crack in it but it can be mended with time and a new way of existing with each other that may open the door to an even stronger bond.
References
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