How to Get Your Kids to Talk to You

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By Ann Weaver Hart
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Kids need to be kids

Getting kids to talk to you is one of the most important things you will ever do as a parent.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Patience
Tolerance
Time
Perseverance

Step 1

Start young. By the time a kid has finished 8th grade, he or she has already made decisions about drugs, gangs and sex. That said, it’s never too late to encourage them to talk to you.
Step 2

Quantity time trumps quality time in the long run. The more time you spend with your kids, the more opportunity they have to learn that you’re on their side and communicate with you.
Step 3

Make the time you spend with your kids count. Fifteen minutes of your undivided attention each day can do amazing things for your relationship. That time doesn’t have to be face-to-face time, either. Talk to your son while you are taking him to baseball practice. I used to wash my daughter’s back at night when she took a bath. We had good conversations in those 5-minute periods.
Step 4

Listen. Kids make their own decisions, let them bounce their ideas off you without fear that you will take over and tell them what to do. If you dictate the answers to every problem, they won’t bother to talk. They know what you would do. They are trying to figure out what they should do.
Step 5

Pick your battles. Remember how your friends and neighbors look at you is not nearly as important as how your kids do. Let them dress, dye and pierce as much as you can stand. Their bodies belong to them. If they listen to you about the big stuff (like drugs and sex), it’s worth biting your tongue about some things if it means they talk to you.
Step 6

Realize that they will make different choices than you have. This may be good. Some kids rebel against the thought that their parents are trying to live vicariously through them. Let them be who they are, and they won’t have a lot to rebel against
Step 7

Be honest. If you hate the thought that your kid wants to be a cheerleader, tell the truth. Then tell her that you’ll support her decision anyway, because it’s her decision.
Step 8

Talk about your own mistakes. “I did this, and it didn’t work out so well,” beats the chowder out of “Don’t do that!” every time.
Step 9

Say “I love you” a lot.

Comments

zekeallen said

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on 5/5/2009 Write them notes or send them a text. Also, the teens I teach seem to love goofy questions (which would be worse--having the person you have a crush on telling you you had a booger hanging out of your nose, or having to tell them they had a booger?) and those seem to loosen them up for deeper questions.Send love notes. www.devotionables.com

naomigiroux said

on 2/27/2009 Love the picture! All good points. Maybe the kids should read this, too.5*

trenee169 said

on 1/12/2009 When It comes to our kids, and if we really love them.....We better began falling to our knees...because if you tried everything else and you are absolutely exhausted..then began to pray for your child. If you don't believe in God...Then go ahead and allow your heart to broken a few million times first, because thats what it will take for you to try God. Just TRY HIM!