How to Raise a Child

A child is a sponge, ready to suck in whatever it is you are doing, saying, feeling and acting out. She also has her own ideas about what is right or wrong, fun or icky, interesting or boring. The raising of a child is played out in the slow motion of every day--in routines, growth, change, occasional excitement and occasional monotony. All that time is a parent's treasure--and challenge. Every morning you wake up revived, ready to lead an army with good intentions--and every night you crawl toward that bedtime story, a wartorn enemy or hero (depending on the day). Growing a person is not for the meek.

Instructions

How to Raise a Child

1. Love unconditionally. Love has incredible power. The great thing about it in terms of your relationship with the child is that you are giving it unconditionally. A kid is incapable of deciding to give it back as payment for love given. You are giving love with no contract. The amazing thing is how much love comes back to you when you give it out that way.

2. Avoid teaching by rote or by command. You are infallible to your very young child. You can do no wrong. Don’t fall for it; don’t believe it yourself. Like doctors and presidents, it is possible that you will begin to behave as if you know it all. You will issue rules from the mountaintop. Eventually you will be revealed to be very fallible indeed (perhaps by the child's very early teens) and you will get a rebellion for your display of hypocrisy for not being the person you let the child believe you were. Be your own, messy, loving self.

3. Help your child discover his own heart. Right and wrong comes from the heart. If your child learns right from wrong from external sources–from you, or from teachers at school, or at church, or from the street–his heart will not be there, internally strong, when it is tested. The best thing you can do is help your child to trust his heart. When your child does act from his heart, and you are there to see an ethical choice he makes, make sure you get down on one knee and congratulate the child on his wholehearted thinking.

4. Self discipline has greater force than discipline imposed from the outside. It is better for the child to learn to read when she is ready, and love reading as a result, than to force her to read when you think she is ready and have her associate reading with brow beating. Leading by gentle example does wonders. If you read, your child may read, too. Your child is watching you.

5. Set clear and understandable goals and standards of behavior. Hold to consequences for breaking these standards. Children go through stages of misbehavior (biting or hitting or testing); make sure they understand the desired behavior. Try not to punish arbitrarily. They should have regular bedtimes, regular procedures preparing for bed and regular mealtimes. They should be able to count on you to set reasonable standards. Be prepared to admit you have been wrong sometimes. Be kind to yourself and your child.