How to Deal With an Alcoholic in the Immediate Family

Alcoholism is an insidious disease. It takes a normal, functioning family member and can change them into a scheming, numbed, desperate and angry person. Time and time again, when confronted with his disease, he will emphatically state that they don't have a problem. This makes a huge problem for the entire family.

Instructions

1. Stop supporting the alcoholic. Giving money or housing to a non-functioning alcoholic will only further the disease. It seems like you're helping by being supportive, but the only way to really be supportive is to be very honest and tough. It is easy to think that if only you love the person enough, you can fix the problem. Unfortunately, the problem is much bigger than either of you, and no one can fix it except the alcoholic in a moment of clarity. The more you support the alcoholic, the more she is filled with disdain for you and for herself.

2. Get your entire immediate family together to establish a plan of action. Efforts to confront the alcoholic will be more powerful with a united front. Remember, you can't control the outcome. Confronting the alcoholic may be painful so be prepared for lots of emotion from the alcoholic and from the other family members.

3. Establish a comprehensive list of actions you are demanding of the alcoholic. This list should include breaking the addiction and joining a program that puts the alcoholic in a community devoted to keeping sober. This takes the burden off the family and gives the possibility of help in sobriety into the hands of professionals, where it belongs.

4. Confront the alcoholic. Take a representative amount of the family with you. Stay in control of the session. Demand that the person comply with the family's needs. Inform the alcoholic that family support will be cut off if demands are not met. Bring along a longtime sober, respected AA friend, if you have one, to help mediate. Once you issue an ultimatum, you must stick with it. Be prepared for ugliness and resistance. Detach from your emotions while still loving the alcoholic and don't back down. Realize the disease is very powerful.

5. Let go. You have, no doubt, been dealing with the alcoholic's escalating problem for some time. When you've reached the point of confrontation, you're frustrated and scared for the alcoholic's future. Make sure to get involved with Al-Anon or some other supportive group to preserve your own self. The best thing you can do is give the alcoholic the chance to fall flat on his face. Instead of being a failure, this tough love may be the one thing that saves his life. Or it may have no effect whatsoever. You're not in control. Let go.