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Step 1
Plan a time to talk to your teen about abstinence so you will have her full attention. Talking about this subject on the fly can mean that your teen has not heard everything you are trying to convey.
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Step 2
Ask your teen to give her definition of abstinence, and then use that for a discussion. Some teens may say abstinence is avoiding all physical contact with the opposite sex, while others may think it only means avoiding intercourse, but kissing and touching is OK.
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Step 3
Give your perception of abstinence based on your personal outlook on the subject. Be sure to explain to your teen why you believe in no physical contact, or that kissing is OK, as this is how you instill your values into your child. You cannot make her take on your beliefs, but it will definitely get her thinking in that direction.
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Step 4
Be prepared with statistics regarding teen sex. Print these statistics out to have on-hand during your conversation. These are not neccessarily meant to be scare tactics, but real live evidence of why abstinence is best. Advocates for Youth has a terrific website set up to help you, the parent, discuss abstinence with your child. See Resources below.
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Step 5
Make the lines of communication between you and your teen easy and open so that your child feels comfortable coming to you about this sensitive subject. If you are constantly on the defensive side, your teen may not feel she can talk to you openly and honestly. Make every effort to listen closely, and offer advice when needed.
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Step 6
Give your teen space to think about what you have talked about. Once you discuss abstinence, and why you believe it is important, you have essentially done your job. Avoid hounding your child every week about whether he haa decided to "wait." Your constant intrusion may lead to a rebellious state. It is up to your teen to make the ultimate decision himself.
