How to Bond With an Adoptive Child

Any activity can be a bonding activity.

Bonding and attachment are important for the healthy development of any child. Bonding with an adoptive child presents special challenges, especially if the child is older than 6 months or has had a series of caregivers, as is common with children adopted from foster care. Even parents who adopt infants need to be aware of the importance of emotional bonding with their children.

Instructions

1. Consistently meet the child's needs. As with any relationship, trust is earned when someone can depend on you. This does not mean you have to give in to every whim of your child, but it does mean you provide for their basic care consistently. Many parents find having a schedule for the day's important activities, such as naptime, meals, bath and bedtime, helps children feel comfortable.

2. Anticipate your child's needs. It is a wonderful feeling when someone does something for you without being asked. Don't wait until your child is hungry or tired to provide for him. Having these comforts will help the child feel he belongs to you, and therefore that you belong to him. This may not be the time to let a child cry it out. For babies especially, it is good for them to be dependent on you.

3. Accentuate the little things. Make small tasks part of your bonding. Dressing, bathing, feeling and just cuddling are all great times to establish a relationship. If you have an older child, take advantage of homework time, reading book, or going for a walk. Good bonding comes in the everyday tasks of life and during set aside quality time.

4. Touch your child. Some studies indicate that skin-to-skin contact actually creates new pathways in the brain. Make sure your skin is touching your baby's (or child's) skin. If bottle feeding, hold your baby and stroke her arm or leg. Never prop a bottle for the baby to drink. In addition to being a chocking hazard, this is prime bonding time lost. For older children touching can be difficult, especially if they have been victims of abuse. Offer hugs and don't be offended if they push you away.

5. Talk and play with your child. Even with newborns, look at your child's face and talk to him. Cooing and smiling are great ways to bond with a baby. Describe what you are doing in any situation, such as "Let's climb these stairs" or "See how Mommy is putting water in the pot? Then I'll add the spaghetti." Playtime is for grownups as well. Let your child pick the activity then get on the floor, and play with them.

Tips & Warnings

• If you find yourself correcting your child's behavior during the day, make sure you set aside a few minutes where you can talk to them positively.

• Don't worry about spoiling a baby. A baby that is attached to you will want to please you with his behavior when he is older.

Resources

• Tips for Bonding