How to Act In A Recovery Meeting--Tips For Newcomers

I say that learning how to behave in a recovery meeting is moderately easy because I don't want to scare you. It can be challenging! After running for years on self-will and egomania, many of us find that to just sit down, shut up, and wait our turn is nigh on torment. But to recover means to change. Here are a few ways how...

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A sponsor and recovering friends of the same gender ASAP
• Pants with pockets that don't scrape your hands
• Plenty of water, coffee, or soft drinks
• gum, mints, grapes, hard candy (smoke outside--put your butts in the cans)
• a pad and pen for doodling intense and repetitive images
• a big jacket or sweater to burrow into

1. How are you supposed to act in a recovery meeting? They're so new and strange. It's okay to sit in the back or next to an escape route. (Just don't escape.) This is where the pants and sweater come in handy. You may not literally be able to sit still. It may help to sit on your hands (legs jiggling incessantly). Or try folding your arms tightly around yourself, strait-jacket style. You can also burrow into your sweater or jacket, your little ravaged eyes peeking out.

2. Keep your hands busy. They may be still be shaking so ask a nice person to get you a half-full cup of coffee. Sit for the entire meeting with your hands wrapped firmly around the cup, as if it's liable to blow away in a strong wind. Conversely, doodle compulsively or unwrap and eat candies compulsively. You may gain a few pounds along with some newfound sanity.

3. Don't talk too much. Some of us are unable to speak in a meeting, deaf-mute style, and some of us have diarrhea of the mouth. If you're one of the latter, chew more gum or eat more candy. If the sharing happens to come around to you, just state your name, qualification, and a couple or few minutes of interest, gratitude, resentment, or numbness. This is not the time for a mini-bio. If it's sharing on a step, and you haven't worked that step...then pass!

4. Connected to step 3 is: Don't cross-talk. That means speaking directly to the person who just shared, offering opinion or advice, asking questions, and interrupting. A meeting isn't a large conversation. It's supposed to be a safe place to open up. Save your replies for a break or after the meeting. f you're burning to "correct" someone, run it by a friend who has more time than you, and strongly consider their suggestion.

5. Use your sponsor. Those personal things you wanted to share when it came to you in the circle (fifth-step-type-stuff not appropriate at group level)?--that's what you tell your sponsor and the guys / gals you've made friends with. Go out for coffee afterward and talk 'til you can't talk no more. That's what we're here for. If you go on a robotic rant you'll get lovingly curbed.

6. Don't "13th Step." Give yourself a lot, a LOT of time to even think about touching someone with their clothes off (in a healthy way for the first time in your life). Despite our war stories "out there," most of us are emotional and sexual disasters when we hit the rooms, and haven't got enough sense to step out of the way of an oncoming train. Talk with your sponsor thoroughly about all your desires, attractions, and fascinations, no matter how awkward or troubling.

7. Welcome newcomers and visitors. With even one week under your belt, you may no longer be the newcomer. You have seven days of something different to offer the raw recruit--extend your hand in welcome. If you're picked to lead a meeting, don't tunnel vision and call on all your friends and the self-appointed bigshots. Call on the newcomers and visitors. It's not right to let them sit there ignored while "Ol' Timer Tom" spiels off his same old crap.

8. Stick with the winners. That means people who have really put some elbow grease into it, working the steps, working with others, doing service, and all the other things that go into wholesome, long-term recovery. You can recognize them by their love and peace of mind (as well as their good senses of humor). Steer clear of big shots, bullies, and old-timers who don't have a higher power.

Tips & Warnings

• Eating too much candy and chewing too much gum can cause digestive distress. Drinking too much coffee can cause insomnia and an upset stomach. But these may be worth it considering the alternative.

[HardworkinJudy]

on 10/18/2008 Interesting and very thorough. Thanks for sharing.

[KatieDean]

on 10/15/2008 Ahhh, yes yes. I was in an actual inpatient rehab; I've been sober for three years now. It's kind of crazy how some people act while in a group session. Other people may not think this to be an issue, but it truly is. Great 5* Article, very detailed.