How to Reconnect With a Spouse
Every marriage has its ups and downs, and every marriage relationship ebbs and flows. Sometimes you feel closer, and other times you are more distant. But if it seems like you and your spouse are living separate lives in the same house, or if you just want to revitalize your relationship and develop more intimacy, it is possible. It just requires a little thought, time and attention.
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Instructions
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Think about the last time you felt truly close to your spouse. Consider how long ago that was, what the two of you were doing, and what kinds of stressful events or hectic schedules have transpired since. The more distant that time was, the more urgently you need to refocus on your relationship and reconnect.
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Really try to understand what it's been like for your spouse in the past days, weeks or even months since you last felt that closeness. Your spouse may have been working long hours or stressing about finances, or may have recently lost a job. Perhaps the spouse feels overworked at home or is getting burned out with the kids and their activities. Has she experienced a death in the family, or been overwhelmed by the stresses of life? Withdrawal from you may have been a natural coping reaction—particularly if your spouse feels you don't understand. Consider how you might feel if the roles were reversed and how much you would appreciate your spouse's support and encouragement. Really listen when your spouse needs to vent. Make it a point to start giving your spouse that encouragement right now and every day. It may take a while for your spouse to reciprocate, but your efforts won't be in vain.
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Do something together. Think about what you were doing with your spouse the last time you felt truly close. Schedule a time to do that same thing again. Think about the activities you know your spouse enjoys and make it a point to do some of those things. Take time to play together!
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Get away from the grind. Go out on a date night, take a day of vacation, plan a weekend getaway or vacation together. Often, time spent together away from all the stress and pressures of everyday living is the perfect prescription for recapturing marital bliss and intimacy. Schedule date nights if necessary to make sure you have couple time together regularly.
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Learn your spouse's love language. Read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." This book can easily help you determine your spouse's primary "love language," or the ways your spouse feels most loved. Commit to showing your spouse love the way that is most meaningful to him, regardless of your own personal preferences.
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Kiss. Hug. Make love. Have sex. Whatever you want to call it, when one or both spouses is stressed out or out of sorts, sex is often the first thing to go. Both of you are tired and sleep seems like a more immediate need. Unfortunately, days can stretch into weeks without that physical intimacy. Most couples really do need the physical expression of love and the closeness that a good romp in the hay engenders.
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Recommit to your spouse. Reaffirm your love, devotion and commitment to love your spouse through the good times and the bad. Do it in your heart and then put it into words and tell your spouse. You can never tell someone you love her too much.
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Tips & Warnings
What makes you feel most loved may not be what makes your spouse feel most loved. Some people treasure time spent together, while others need physical touch. Some revel in words of affirmation and others see gifts or acts of service as the ultimate sign of love. Know what your spouse needs and provide for those needs. Also to tell your spouse what you need. Don't just assume your spouse should know.
If your marriage is experiencing serious difficulties, or if there is abuse or true dysfunction in your relationship, seek the advice of professional counselors.
