How to Regain Trust in a Marriage
Trust between a husband and wife may be violated as a result of negative behaviors by one, or both. Regaining a trust is a delicate matter that is basically dependent upon the number of times it has been compromised. The old expression, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me," applies to marriages fraught with repeated unfaithful behaviors.In this step-by-step how-to article, a workable plan for a contractual trust agreement between husbands and wives will be presented to bring warring spouses together again, both physically and emotionally.
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Instructions
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Realizing the Need for Trust
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Husbands and wives should realize that negative behaviors risk trust and marital accord. Marriages not consummated as much by mutual commitments as by sexual activity can tragically suffer from such conflict to the point of separation or divorce. By realizing that negative behaviors can lead to lost trust, marital partners may form a viable contract to limit such behaviors. Yet, sincere realizations are needed for the contract to be of use.
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If there is abject indifference shown by either spouse, the possibility of reconciliation is slim. If both spouses are equally guilty, and mutual affection still abounds, the possibility for reconciliation is moderately high. This is when an arrangement may be made by to seek a contractual trust agreement to preclude future offenses from occurring. If the other spouse really wants a restoration of trust and confidence, there will be an agreement as to when and where the contract can be formed.
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Both spouses should have an active part in choosing who will referee the contract negotiation. When that person is chosen, a time and place should also be set, and both spouses should agree to be there at the appointed time. At the meeting, a table should be set up with the referee at its head and the two spouses facing each other on either side. The contract paper should be managed by the referee, with everything written down by that person. The contract should be entitled a contractual trust agreement and should begin with one spouse enumerating the negative behaviors unwanted from the other spouse. The referee should write down every enumerated behavior, and at the end of each behavior, he should ask the other whether she agrees that the behavior should not be performed. If there is agreement, the wife should initial after each of the stipulated behaviors. If there is no agreement, the referee should ask the wife to re-define the negative behavior, in her own terms, and to state how she would try not to perform it. The referee should write down the wife's re-definition of the behavior until the husband agrees with it. This process should be followed for all behaviors performed by the wife, and deemed negative by the husband, and should continue until the wife has initialed each and every behavior. Then the process should begin for the wife to state each negative behavior performed by the husband.
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After each list of negative behaviors has been compiled, with each specific behavior initialed by each spouse, each list should be signed by each spouse to indicate total agreement. Then the referee will print the following, "I, ________, (the respective spouse) realize that the trust which my __________ (husband or wife) has in me will depend directly on me not performing the undersigned behaviors, and, therefore, promise not to perform them," under each list of behaviors, and each spouse will fill in the blanks. Then each spouse will sign the agreement.
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The referee will then notarize the agreement and the contact negotiation will be ended.
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Tips & Warnings
If each spouse does not enter into the agreement with total sincerity, the contract agreement won't be worth the paper it's written on.
False agreements made with flippant attitudes toward marital trust and fidelity will not endure time. If such an agreement is formed, and subsequent acts of disloyalty and infidelity are performed by one, or both, of the spouses, separation or divorce could occur.
