How to Get a Mother to Stop Nagging

You love your mother, but her nagging sure gets on your nerves. A mother's incessant nagging is hard to deal with, even if she says it is "for your own good." Nagging puts pressure on you to do something, but is not so outright aggressive that you can fight it easily. When she nags, you feel compelled to do what your mother wants, sensing that if you resist, you will hurt her feelings. Nagging is also hard to resist because it tends to be repetitive. You might hear yourself saying, "She keeps nagging and nagging." This implies that your mother is repeating her nagging behavior to try to wear you down, and she doesn't hear or listen to your silent or not-so-silent protests. Eventually you might find yourself giving in just to get rid of the nagging.

Instructions

1. Stop putting yourself in a power struggle with your mother. She can continue to nag you indefinitely. You will never win this struggle.

2. Think about what is behind your mother's nagging. Chances are she is dealing with several issues. She is probably worried about you and afraid she has no power to help you. She may be afraid she is not being heard--yes, believe it or not, that may be why she repeats herself so often. She also may be trying to dominate you or convince you she still has a place in your life.

3. Get rid of the cause of the nagging to get rid of the nagging.

4. Tell your mother that you are hearing her, that her ideas have some merit and that you will consider what she's saying and make your decision about your actions.

5. Ask her if she would like to hear your decision when you make it. Your mother will appreciate your efforts to include her rather than exclude her. She'll feel less of a need to force her way into your life with nagging.

6. Tell her you're concerned about her. Invite her to talk about what she's worried about, not in terms of what you can do, but in terms of her own anxieties. Getting her to vent her worries directly lessens her need to nag.

7. For once, tell her what a great influence she has been on shaping your life. This won't encourage her nagging; rather, it will help her relax and feel she doesn't need to put on quite as much pressure.

8. Tell her gently and firmly that you are an adult and she can no longer run your life, but that you welcome her non-nagging input.

9. Help her learn how to speak to you without nagging. She probably needs instructions. You cannot shut your mother up, and you shouldn't, anyway--she's your mother. But you can get her to voice her fears, worries and advice in a way that's easier for you to take.

10. Be patient. Nagging behavior does not disappear overnight. And no mom will ever stop all of her nagging--after all, nagging is part of a mother's job.

Tips & Warnings

• Nag the nagger. Often a mother who shows no humor when she nags will laugh when nagging is directed her way. That helps diffuse the tension.

• All moms nag, but some moms seem to make it a profession. If you have one of those moms, take special care and expect gradual change. Your mom has probably made a lifetime habit of it.

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish