How to Talk to a Teenager About Drugs
Talking to your teenager may not be on the list of things you are most looking forward to in your day. Yes, you love your child as much as--if not more than--ever. Even with unconditional love, the communication skills and patience that it takes to effectively get through to the average teenager is more than taxing on the nerves of any parent. By doing a bit of planning and thinking, you can actually have fun when talking to your teenager about any subject--even one as frightening as drugs.
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Instructions
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Ask your teenager to set aside a block of time to talk to you. Let her know that it's something that's been on your mind, but that she didn't do anything wrong. She'll probably want to talk to you sooner rather than later when you approach the subject in this manner. Anticipation of something potentially horrible is not something anybody wants to deal with. Set aside a time for later that day when you can talk one-on-one with your teenager without the possibility of interruption. Set a rule in advance that all cell phones must be turned off and other forms of communication suspended.
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Start off by telling your teenager about your own experience with drugs. If you have never tried any drugs, that's a great thing to be able to tell your teenager. It may be an even better or powerful statement if you have had a horrible experience with drugs that you had to overcome. There is no right or wrong here. Simply level with your teenager and be completely honest. If you did drugs and no harm came to you because of it, you might want to leave out such details that may glamorize the experience because the likelihood of that happening for the both of you are slim. Be honest, but use common sense when it comes to revealing the dangers of drug use.
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Get feedback from your teenager. See what he thinks about your experience. Ask open-ended questions that allow him to truly open up about what runs through his mind when he hears you talk about it. You may have taken the excitement and "bad boy" thrill away from your teenager by confessing your own danger zones. How your teenager will be affected by your confession depends on who he is and his own experience with drugs.
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Ask her if she has done any drugs. Your teenager may not open up to you about this. However, declare this conversation a punishment-free zone. What she says is "off the record" during the conversation. That's necessary in order to have a truly clear conversation about drugs with your teenager. Mean this. It's important that you don't go back on that promise if you want your teenager to open up to you in the future and trust what you promise.
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React with empathy and compassion. If your teenager hasn't done any drugs, speak happily about that. Express how it makes you feel. Don't go overboard in case your teenager may still be holding out, afraid of letting you know about his drug use. That will be more likely to occur for teenagers who actually have developed a problem with drugs. If he confesses, he takes the chance of losing his access to drugs. Simply let your teenager know that he is making the right decision, and let him know that you are proud of him and his choices.
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Talk about the facts. Before speaking with your teenager about drugs, you should definitely be armed with the facts. Every day, thousands of teenagers try marijuana for the first time. Teenagers are now becoming addicted to prescription drugs that can be illegally obtained through pushers and so-called friends at school. A teenager's body and mind is still developing, and drug use can hinder and hurt development. Arm yourself with as many facts about teenagers and drugs as you can, and how you can help prevent drug use in your own teenagers (see Resources below).
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Ask for her reaction to the facts. If you have just shown her how her previous statements or believed facts about drugs were wrong, be prepared for a bit of defensiveness. Use affirmative language when she gets defensive. Let her know that you understand where she is coming from. Acknowledge her feelings, even though you must dispute the facts.
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Explain your current beliefs about drugs. Let him know what you think is acceptable. If you will tolerate a certain level of use, explain what that is. Draw your limits. It is illegal to permit your teenager to do any kind of illegal drugs. Keep this in mind as you draw lines and limits that you expect your teenager to follow.
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Set down clear rules about drugs. You are still the parent. You cannot try to be your teenager's best friend. While her previous drug use is off limits to punishment (if that was a precedent that was set for his having this open conversation with you), her future drug use is not off limits. Let her know that you expect her to stop all drug use cold turkey.
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Offer to support your teenager in any way possible if he admits to taking drugs and wants to stop. You can go to step meetings with your teen in order to get on the right track. If you can afford it, get your teenager involved in therapy to help kick the habit. Outpatient or inpatient rehab is an option, although one that is usually avoided by teenager except under clear addictions. Do what it takes. If he is in danger and using, step in and do what you think is right. He will not be in a state of mind to make such a decision for himself. However, if it is a rather casual situation, let your teenager lead you in his road to recovery, as long as he is taking serious steps in the right direction.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't start the conversation with a confrontational tone, even if you suspect (or have evidence) that your teenager is using drugs. Try to get him to open up to you about it on his own, and talk only at a time when you can be somewhat calm and collected about the situation. Otherwise, you'll risk alienating your teenager and increasing the problems at hand.
