Things You'll Need:
- Journal/notebook
- Cards (notecards, index cards, postcards, etc.)
- Rubber band
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Step 1
Make note cards. As you think troubling thoughts, it's difficult to remember what to do to get out of that mode. Write down what you will do, new ways to think, tips, ideas, etc., as you go through your process. Notes from a book or ideas from a show... Anything that you want to remember when you are stressed, jot it down and keep it handy!
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Step 2
Replace the unwanted thoughts with ones you want. You might have heard that it's difficult to get out of your mind something you are trying NOT to think about... So determine the opposite and decide that it is the replacement. Example: If you keep thinking "how will I pay my bills?", you can replace it with "Where will I find my next job?"
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Step 3
Catch your thoughts in action! Your thoughts control the way you feel. If you need proof of this, think about when you dream at night. Dreams are just thoughts, but they can cause you to wake up afraid, happy, stressed, jealous, angry... STOP your unwanted thoughts with a rubber band! It's easy! put a rubber band around your wrist like a bracelet, and when you have the thought, snap the rubber band. Immediately think of the replacement thought. Over a short period of time, this will "rewire" your thinking, so when you have the feelings which prompt the original, unwanted thought, it will automatically be replaced by the preferred thought.
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Step 4
Keep a journal of fears. Please note, this is NOT an exercise in focusing on fears! This is to briefly jot down the day and time that you have a worrisome thought about the future. After you write it down you might not worry about it again, but the REAL benefit is when you can go back and see if your worry actually happened. This is very useful in becoming more realistic about worries, which can become troublesome thoughts.
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Step 5
In another area of your journal, jot down what you will do if "the worst" happens. For example, if a woman is about to break her relationship with a man, she may be afraid that he would get so mad that he would yell at her and tell lies about her behind her back. In her journal she could write: "If he yells, I will leave the room until he is calm, then return. Each time he raises his voice, I will leave the room. Eventually he will either not raise his voice or I will not have to be in the same room when he does. If he tells lies about me, I can add another to the lie about me, so it sounds so unrealistic that no one would ever believe it in the first place. Or, if I believe someone believes a lie about me, I will not defend myself, because eventually they will see with their own eyes that it isn't true.
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Step 6
Get the truth. Sometimes "wrong thinking" is imagination run amok. If you know that your stressful thoughts are rooted in something you only know a little about, consider that you don't know the whole story, and ask. If your thoughts and feelings are terrible, consider whether or not you are likely to feel any worse. If the answer is no, then get more info about what you think you know. People tend to have vivid imaginations, and can take a small piece of information and build upon it. If you have the facts, and the facts are not as bad as you imagine, it will be a relief to you.
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Step 7
Put things in perspective. If your ex-boyfriend went on a date with another girl, how mad can you be if you also went on a date? When emotions are running high, it's easy to lose track of things which can be measured, because emotions can't. Put numbers to what happened. One date to one date. Two BIG dates to ten little ones. See if what is bothering you can be balanced in some way. Then keep this info handy for future reference!
Comments
justscott said
on 8/4/2009 Good article!
taskeinc said
on 11/8/2008 Counting backwards, never thought about that .. nice tips on handling stressful thoughts ..