How to Build Rapport With a New Boyfriend's Friends

You’ve been invited to watch a football game at a local sports bar to meet some of your new boyfriend’s friends. What were they thinking? Shouting in a crowded bar, nibbling on barbecue chicken wings? Be a good sport. This is a rite of passage equivalent to walking from the outer edge of the village toward the hut in the center. The tribesmen here are your new boyfriend’s friends. How can you pass up a chance to see what kind of company your new beau keeps?

Instructions

1. Arrange to have time with your boyfriend first before meeting the rest of the gang. This is much easier than driving to a location and meeting everyone at the same time.You might just have brunch with your new boyfriend and allow him to bribe you with making your dinner later that weekend as the trade-off for agreeing to meet his friends at a noisy sports bar.

2. Do your homework. By now, you will have heard about your boyfriend’s best friend from college or best ally at work. Find out what his name is, and the other important details: Is he a golfing buddy, too? Is he divorced and looking to date? (This applies only to the main friends your boyfriend confides in.)

3. Dress as if you were meeting his mother. Yes, even border a little on the conservative side. You can dress sexy for your date later. Facing several of his male friends at a sports bar is not the time to wear a clingy dress or platforms and a halter top. Think jeans and a sweater--or even a jacket, really.

4. Meet everyone and get some identifying details. Make sure you meet the best friend and the best buddy from work. These are the people your boyfriend will go to--maybe to “complain” about you or to get their advice.

5. Size them up as much as they are sizing you up. As this is early on in your relationship with your boyfriend, have some fun, but don’t put on a show. Be friendly, but not too friendly.Avoid flirting of any kind. Some men take the smallest encouragement to extremes. Do not set out this bait. It would infuriate the most patient guy. Were the tables turned, you would not put up with your boyfriend flirting with your women friends, would you? Enough said.

6. Set a time limit. You don’t need to linger at a sports bar into double overtime. Ninety minutes for a first appearance is perfectly respectable. If you already had brunch with your boyfriend before meeting his friends, you can escape to the rest of your afternoon.

7. Find your things and head out to sort out your impressions. Don’t jump to conclusions, especially if his friends were clearly showing bravado or being rowdy given the location. Over the next several months, you will have time to see these people and assess what they are like.

Tips & Warnings

• Give yourself time. Remember that you don’t have to “approve” of every single one of his friends. Nor does every one of his friends have to give you the thumbs-up. This is the early stage. In the long run, getting to know his family will carry much more weight.