How to Build Rapport With a New Boyfriend's Father
If you are meeting your new boyfriend’s father for the first time, be on your best behavior. You do not want to show up dressed suggestively, nor do you want to appear stiff and formal (i.e., boring).Realize what an opportunity this is: Meeting your boyfriend’s father is a way to see what your boyfriend might be like 25 to 35 years from now. While they are distinct individuals, every son will have some similarities to his father in mannerisms and habits, as well as the obvious medical history.
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Instructions
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Do not show up with a clipboard and white lab coat. While this is a chance to catch a glimpse into the future (were you to become serious with your boyfriend), do not announce this fact. You can be a stealth Margaret Mead, being very observant of how members of your boyfriend’s tribe behave and if you will be comfortable in it.
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Dress the part. You are not 16 anymore (unless, in fact, you are). Dress in an age-appropriate way. Conceal your cleavage, midriff and backside unless you have agreed to meet the family at the beach or poolside. Even then, leave the Brazilian thong at home and wear a beach cover-up.
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Bring a home-baked item. If you cannot bake or do not spend time in the kitchen, buy a home-baked item, like brownies, coffee cake or a blueberry pie. Bearing food shows that you are no fool: The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
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Shake hands and ask your boyfriend’s father how he wants to be addressed. If he’s formal, you will be calling him Mr. A; if not, it will be his first name. Notice, upon first utterance of this name, if his wife or other members of the family visibly cough or stifle choking sounds. This means you will have to listen to other people address him and make sure you are not calling him by some absurd variation of his name.
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Be old-fashioned. This is your boyfriend’s dad, not his best friend. Stand when he enters a room, and always acknowledge his presence when he is in the room. If he (or his wife) asks you not to be too formal, follow that lead.
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Stand your ground. If your boyfriend’s father is a prankster and wants to test your mettle by planting a large, realistic-looking tarantula on the sofa where he has directed you to sit, just smile and laugh at his joke. Sit somewhere else. Take mental notes: Will this be a pattern?
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Maintain your gracious attitude. Ask him about his interests and be observant. If there are fishing-themed pillows in the living room, ask the obvious questions: Does his fish? Does he eat his catch? Be prepared if he invites you to come along.
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Don’t flirt. This would send the wrong message, for obvious reasons. Even if he is single by divorce, widowhood or another reason, do not flirt with this man. If you find yourself tempted to do this, run to your best friend (or therapist) and get this shadow impulse resolved immediately. Intimate relationships are filled with enough land mines; there's no need to involve the father. There is a word for this: taboo.
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Don’t overstay your welcome. The first meeting may have been over lunch or dinner. Three hours is the normal amount of time to roast a new visitor in any new tribe. You have been on the hot seat long enough. Remember to thank everyone properly and make a graceful exit.
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Tips & Warnings
Follow your boyfriend's lead. If he is from a very religious or very conservative family, he will coach you beforehand on taboos to avoid.
