How to Be More Sensitive to a Boss's Moods and Feelings

Keeping yourself on the good side of your boss is not a random phenomenon. Whether he is a brooding moody type or generally even-tempered, there are some things you can do and clues to look for to keep yourself in his good graces. And more important, there are tips to help you help your boss feel relaxed and stay in a better mood when he is around you.

Instructions

1. 

   Find the stress-reducing activities your boss enjoys most and help him find time for these. It might be a tai chi class or yoga that helps him deal with his stuff. If possible, offer to join him in this activity so you can learn some ways to trigger relaxation by reciting a mantra when his stress starts building, or offer to take his phone calls for a couple of hours so he can do some yoga stretches in his office. Even having a drink with him after work when you have both had a stressful day can help him see you as a team player and part of the solution, not part of the problem.

2. Be very observant. With a supervisor who tends to blow up easily, this may not be an issue, but if your boss is one who holds everything in until she bursts out in an angry tirade, you need to watch for cues on when to leave her alone. A red face, blunt answers, fidgeting or bitchiness would indicate that it is a good time to stay in your cubicle and look busy.

3. Cater to his emotional needs. This might mean you send him a nice thank you note for giving you a break by extending a deadline, or bringing in his favorite hazelnut coffee when you know he is booked with meetings all morning. Stop by his office frequently to listen to his concerns or let him rant a bit with the door closed on what a crappy job the IT department did on the latest computer conversion or whatever hot button was pushed for him. Having that sympathetic ear will help make you one of his inner circle and a valuable confidant. Just never, ever betray his trust.

4. Encourage her to mellow out her emotional reactions in the workplace. If she starts yelling or using a loud shrieking voice, talk softly and take her behind closed doors to ask her to tone down her voice and relax. Remind her that you will help her any way you can, and that there's no cause to be upset or angry. When all is calm again, talk to her about maintaining her composure under stress, and ask if there is anything you can do to help her get better control.

5. Be his friend at work. You need not go out on weekend outings with him or take your vacations together, but you can be his friend in the workplace and both can benefit from a close bond. If you have company activities, you can go together, sit with him and his family or join the company golf league. Over time, you can become the person he turns to when he needs help.

6. When you see the trigger signs that she is about to blow a gasket, step in and tell her you are there to help. She may blow some steam your way, but she may also be relieved that she can share the burden with someone who will stick by her when times get tough. If you happen to work for someone who is very difficult to get along with, read my article “How to Deal With Difficult People.”

7. The bottom line is that if your boss is a reasonable person, there is no reason you can’t become buddies at work. A little extra effort goes a long way with most people.

Tips & Warnings

• Be even-tempered and level-headed when dealing with your boss.

• Don't enable dysfunctional behaviors in others.

Resources

• How to Deal with Difficult People on the Job