How to Marry a Man With Children

So many of us in this country are finding ourselves in blended family situations. For whatever reason, our first marriage simply did not work out or maybe we were widowed at a young age. Without early preparation we may get blind-sided by some of the issues that arise from being a step-parent. Here are some tips to help us decide whether to proceed with this marriage or step back.

Things You'll Need

• scrutiny
• serious communication with your betrothed

Instructions

1. Communicate early within your relationship about the role you are expected to play as stepparent. This way you will minimize hard feelings and everyone will know in advance what their role is. This is not to say other issues will never arise. No one can think of everything up front.

2. Be sure to take note during the dating phase of the type of discipline your betrothed dishes out to their own children. Do they let things slide easily? Do they discipline excessively? Excessive discipline by your potential mate may be an indicator of how your own children will be treated as well.

3. Make sure to communicate about discipline. Are you allowed to discipline? If so, to what extent. The child's age matters here as well. Most younger children will respond better to discipline by a future step-parent than an older child.

4. Decide up front what his children will call you. Is it mom, stepmonster or your first name? I prefer my stepchildren refer to me by my first name.

5. Decide up front what the expectations are for you as far as getting the kids to school, activities, homework, etc.. Is this going to be totally up to you? Is it a shared responsibility? Will the ex be involved in helping? You do not want to get yourself in a situation where you will end up being resentful over this. Everyone needs time to themselves and a little peace and quiet. Make sure to line this out in advance.

6. Make sure you will be living with no double standards in the household. Your mate shouldn't accuse you of allowing behavior with your own child only to turn around and allow their child to do the same.

7. If your man's ex is still part of children lives, make sure to meet the ex. You should be able to get a good reading during the first couple of visits whether you can expect problems to arise in this area. Thankfully, in my situation I get along with his ex. This is a truly a blessing since I've seen how bad it could be the other way around.

8. If your mate seems too attached to the old home front or feels it necessary to constantly go to the old home front, phone the ex-wife, do projects for the ex-wife, etc.. think twice about proceeding with this marriage. Your mate may still be emotionally enmeshed with the ex. This is different from being kind and courteous to his ex. Counseling may be possible to help break the ties.

Tips & Warnings

• The main tip I have is to observe. I mean, really take a good look and pay attention. Make mental notes.

• Communication is key. Try to work out things in advance to avoid surprises.