How to Make Peace for a Holiday Gathering

The term dysfunctional family only seemed to make its way into pop culture dialog in the 1990's, but it has long been a reality. All families have some dysfunction. The drama within each and every family can seem overwhelming. However, you are like everybody else in the sense that you are struggling to get along despite the obstacles that tear us apart as human beings trying to live together peacefully. If there's someone in your family that is keeping you from joining the festivities, don't let that ruin your Christmas. Reach out, make peace with your family member and enjoy the magic of this season at this year's holiday gathering.

Instructions

1. Say you're sorry. Swallowing your pride when you think you aren't in the wrong is a terrible thing to have to do. Unfortunately, if you want a peaceful Christmas with your other loved ones, you may have to do just that. Apologize for something that you are genuinely sorry for, if you cannot apologize for what the rift is about. Say your apology wholeheartedly and refrain from excuses or counterattacks.

2. Try to bring a humorous spin to the situation that is causing tension between you and your family member. Sometimes, if you can laugh at yourself and the absurdity of your own reactions, it can be contagious. Your family member may be able to see herself in the same light. The two of you can soon be reconciled and be laughing at your own selves over a great plate of yams.

3. Be flexible. You have to be willing to change a bit. It's only fair to ask for a compromise. Meeting the person where he is at is important. You can make peace if you are willing to bend the strict nature of some of the things that are alienating the two of you from each other.

4. Listen with an open ear. Hear out your family member on why the issue was so important to him. Ask open-ended questions that can get him to open up without censoring himself too much or trying to come up with the "right answer" for very specific questions. Nod, express empathy and agree when you genuinely do agree on a point.

5. Talk openly. Get out everything you have to say as well...well, anything constructive or positive, that is. Leave the silly nitpicks and resentful comments outside of this conversation. Express all that is in our soul about the situation. Since you were such a good listener, you have likely inspired him to be as well.

6. State several options that detail the actions you are willing to take to make the situation right. Ask him what it will take for the wrong thing to be set right. He will likely know right away. It might be an apology, money borrowed or fixing something that's broken. There are a million possibilities that he may need you to do in order to trust you again. Be patient. Realize that you are asking. It doesn't mean he can have everything he needs. Make an effort to be generous when it comes to meeting the mysterious needs of others.

7. Ask for what you need in return. We all have needs. Don't be ashamed of asking to have yours met. In fact, he'll likely respect you a lot more because you value yourself and stood up for yourself.

8. Talk several times before the gathering. This is to ensure that peace is ongoing. It will also avoid any awkwardness at the actual gathering.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't make peace if you've been extremely hurt physically or emotionally by someone in your family. Go to the authorities, even if it's a family member. Nobody should hurt you or have any excuse for doing so.