How to Celebrate Halloween in London, Part 1 (Revised)

That silly mortal, Aline, tried to entertain you all by telling you how to have a jolly good time at Halloween in London without even allowing me a butchers at the blasted thing before she sent it off! Well, while she is confined without supper below the Tower of London, allow me to enlighten you on our True Traditions. Forget about that naff little parade-following activity, and going to the pub like a common sot. It is all so safe and cozy, (and they dare to display that very unattractive figure of me done up in papier mache and carried about the streets like a gallows bird) and conveys no sense of the real terrors of the Dark Season...
The true fright, which I am sure some of you would enjoy, can be had in the London Dungeon...a place where Aline refuses to go on account of its being so haunted -- full of the ghosts of the victims of our ancient chastisements...but I, having beheaded the odd mortal in my time and brought them down to Faery to sing at my birthday banquet, have no such inhibitions...

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• guts!
• Underground Map
• more guts!
• My Itinerary
• guts, guts, and more guts!

1. 
   Imprisoned for making the best pies in London

   "The world's most chillingly famous horror attraction! 2000 years of London's gruesome misery -- I mean history!" The London Dungeon reminds one of the Old Days! There, on October 24th, they throw a hideously festive Halloween party...full of torment for the unwary, a very revel of torture! Be strong. If you have no secrets to reveal, you have nothing to fear...Take the Underground Dragon to London Bridge and find doors 28-34 Tooley Street (towards the Thames). Pay the Guard at the door (his name is Igor) - or it may not go well with you...

2. 
   Jack the Ripper

   I also have fond memories of old Jack! They called him The Ripper, but they don't REALLY know his name. These mortals don't know Jack, I tell you!
   The best guide into this realm of murk and fright will meet you at Aldgate East Underground Station. You will know him by his black umbrella...This ex-copper will show you all the locations, and tell you all the graphic details of these horrific murders -- but he hasn't really got a clue...It ends with you all squeezing into the Ten Bells pub where the newspaper reports from the day are plastered all over the walls. It was Jack's last hangout...no pun intended. He hated the smell of hemp.

3. 
   Highgate Graves

   Now you must meet at Tower Gateway, at the Oasis Cafe, for there stands John Pope-de-Locksley, a blood descendant of Count Dracula. He will take you on a little excursion...to Highgate Cemetery, the spookiest grave yard in England, and regale you with the stories of Count Dracula and how he came to London and turned Jonathan, Lucy, and Mina into Vampires for his own delectation. Being to the Manor born, Sir John's tour ends with a Medieval Banquet at --- guess! The Tower of London. After you have stuffed yourself past walking, take in a show at my old friend William Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, but skip the bear-baiting. It's so unnecessary.

4. 
   Tower of London

   High above the Thames stands an edifice very special to me. My mother was beheaded there by my father, and there I beheaded my sister, and then imprisoned the love of my life deep within its walls -- and then I beheaded him as well! This is the origin of the expression "Heads will roll!" Now I have imprisoned Aline in there, I might have to behead her too...What do you think?
   You can come here after your Dracula walk, or after your Medieval Banquet. Why not take a tour? Do you have the stomach for it?

5. 
   Madame Tussaud's own head

   And last but not least, no Halloween would be complete without a trip to my old friend, Madame Tussaud, to visit her wax museum. There she has secreted away the heads of Marie Antoinette , Robespierre, and all those other poncy French beauty-spotted fancy pants, and made their death masks out of wax. Then, so proud of her work was she, that she displayed them in a building right on Baker Street, across from the offices of Sherlock Holmes...but she didn't get Sherlock's head, oh no!... Rather she got...Jack's... Those were the good old days. Now the wax museum is much scarier, full of tawdry celebrity models and boy bands...frightening!
   (She also made some of the best pies in London...)

Tips & Warnings

• You can book some of these tours online at the links below
• There are many more ghostly and ghastly attractions in old London Town... I have only whetted your appetite -- I hope
• Not for the faint of heart! If you are too scared, go to the Halloween Parade.
• I have just come to realize what a frightening place Old Blighty is! These horrible things are everywhere! Try to laugh. Its only an illusion conjured by Faery dust.

[MarlaineMarie]

on 3/11/2009 I love Madame Tussaud/s displays - saw one in California and it is amazing! Wish I could see the real one!

[smilesatme1]

on 11/10/2008 London is a good place to see one day! Thanks for the Halloween tips!

[akosecho]

on 10/15/2008 Sounds awesome. Makes me kind of want to visit London now... I've always been into finding creepy places to visit. And not having ever visited Madame Tussaud's is, I'm pretty sure, a crime against humanity.