How to Be Stupider

Be stupider. Sometimes, self-realization makes life difficult. Intelligent people have been found to be more susceptible to depression and even suicide. This article attempts to protect you from that burden!

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• an IQ
• a willingness to reduce that IQ
• a desire to be stupider

1. First, convince yourself that the title of this article, "How to be Stupider", is grammatically correct.

2. Stop reading. Watch TV; no news or documentaries, just sit-coms. It doesn't matter if you pick old re-runs, new hits or Fox News; the effect will be the same.

3. Don't try anything new. Trying new things will only serve to strengthen the synaptic nerve connections in your brain. This is not good for our cause.

4. Speaking of causes, find one. It doesn't matter what it is, just pick one. Pick a church, religion, political party, country band, rock band, kids soccer team; seriously it doesn't matter. Now that you have picked a cause, support it. Blindly. Proclaim the righteousness of your cause to everyone and do not accept debate, critiques or anything that could cause you to rethink your position. Thinking of any sort, even rethinking, will not help you decrease your intelligence.
   Let your cause leaders do the thinking for you and accept their proclamations thoughtlessly.

5. Buy stuff from late night infommercials as soon as you see the commercial so that you can take advantage of the "act now" incentives.

6. Drink like a college freshmen or "tail-gater" (You can tie this one in to tip number 4).

7. Don't use the internet for research. Block Google, Wikipedia and anything that isn't related to your cause.

Tips & Warnings

• Be diligent, thinking has a way of sneaking up on you
• Ward off people that try to rope you into thinking
• Its okay if you find that you aren't able to participate in discussions with your friends anymore because you don't know what they are talking about; this is a sign that you are making progress
• Don't worry, your elected officials will do the thinking for you and they are already supporting a cause of their own.
• It really helps if your cause if filled with like-minded (or like-closed-minded) folks who can help reaffirm your proclamations that your cause is the only perspective of truth-in fact I recommend that you avoid dialog with anyone outside your cause!
• Don't use drugs or alcohol, you want to be dumber, not a useless vegetable.

[polexia]

on 2/10/2009 Wikipedia isn't a trusted source is academia because its content can be edited by anyone at any time.

[Jennywrites]

on 12/9/2008 LOL!!! You can always buy some artificial intelligence. (Hair dye) :D

[ibooks]

on 12/4/2008 Great article

[agille]

on 12/4/2008 Hi Cherrie, thanks for the encouragement, and yes we did have a worthwhile Thanksgiving; I hope you did as well! I have to ask though, why not go sailing? That is a very intriguing comment!

[Cherrie]

on 11/26/2008 I need to make another comment, because I love this article so much. Maybe you should add: "by all means, do not go sailing."