How to Talk Out of a Fist Fight

No matter how much we try to get along with others, sometimes it simply doesn’t work out. Sometimes, we even find ourselves in situations where heated argument turns into threatening jargon and even violence. In most cases, quick thinking and a proactive (rather than reactive) use of words can be used to quell the situation before it turns to violence.

Instructions

1. Lower your voice. Loud voices are threatening and show a lack of control. Control loss promotes greater frustration and anger. Soft voices are conversational and less threatening. Much in the same way as human nature is to return a whisper when someone whispers to you, it is also human nature to mimic the tone you hear in the midst of a conversation--even an argument.

2. Take control of the situation by asking your adversary a question. When you ask questions, you are in control of the situation. Try to ask questions that don’t inflame the situation. “Does your mom know what a huge moron you are?” or “Do you eat with that same mouth?” are not the sort of questions that diffuse a situation. “We’re both smart people. What is it about this situation that is angering you so much?” is less accusatory and serves to demand a higher standard for the conversation. “How do you see this ending?” is another good question. However, don’t be surprised if the answer is “I see this ending with me kicking your teeth in.” If that is the answer, don’t fret. There are other options.

3. Make your adversary assess the situation more clearly by calling them out regarding the tone of the conversation. This changes the argument, but when done with a calm and quiet voice, and riddled with questions, fear of loss or pain may be enough to stave off impending violence. “Look, man, I’m pretty sure you are feeling like you could beat me up right now. Right? (don’t pause for an answer) Fair enough. Maybe you can. Maybe you can’t. The problem with finding out though is that if this breaks down to violence (use the word “violence”) no matter what, we are both going to get hurt. I’m willing to go there if we must, but I have to tell you, I’m not particularly fond of bruises and bleeding. Are you? How about this? How about we calm down and leave it alone? We can come back to it if you want after a bit to discuss the issue and maybe even resolve it, but I am pretty sure that neither of us actually wants to get hurt. Am I right? How about we just stop for now? Fair enough?”

Tips & Warnings

• With few exceptions, these sorts of tactics will keep the fight from degenerating to violence. May you never feel the sting of hitting or being hit, the result of making good choices when conversing with angry adversaries.

• Never stand toe to toe with someone who has a weapon in hand. Run.