How to Get Through the First Year of Marriage

After an exciting engagement, a somewhat wild wedding and a romantic honeymoon, you can't wait to experience what's next for you and your spouse. Marriage is bliss, and life couldn't be better--after all, you're deeply and passionately in love, and nothing will ever get in the way of that. The truth is, however, that the "honeymoon period" of marriage--those first few blissful months--is typically followed by a certain span of time that might accurately be termed a "reality check," when real life sets in, a routine revolving around work and bills is formed, and the excitement and adventure of new romance slowly begins to fade. But take heart! Getting through that first year of marriage can be a fantastic experience that will only deepen your love and commitment to your spouse.

Instructions

1. Listen to your spouse. As a married couple, you are now each other's primary sounding boards! Too many marriages fracture during that first year because one or the other--or both--parties in the relationship are still using another person (mom, dad, a best friend, an associate at work) as their primary sounding board. A cardinal rule in marriage that is critical to learn the first year: don't make a habit out of complaining about your spouse to others! Rather, talk it out with your spouse. This goes both ways--so listening is key to marital success.

2. Serve your spouse. This is not meant in a demeaning way, of course, but your life has now changed. You've devoted yourself to someone else--and someone else has devoted himself or herself to you. Look for ways to make your spouse's life easier and make your spouse feel loved and appreciated. This can be as simple as making the bed or doing the dishes every day, getting your spouse a drink at night when you've already settled down to bed, or helping your spouse complete some assignment for work or school that he is particularly stressing over.

3. Avoid concentrating on the negative and find joy in the positive. You are going to learn a lot about your spouse now that you are married. Over the course of that first year, you'll discover habits, noises, preferences, looks and other characteristics about your spouse that you never knew were there--and more than likely at least one of them will irritate you greatly in some way! Get over it--there's so much that's good about your spouse (you got married, after all!). You're digging a tragic pit by letting little things get to you.

4. Talk about your sex life. That first year, in particular, is a time when you and your spouse are discovering what you like--and what your spouse likes, when it comes to sexual intimacy. Sex should be an open topic in your relationship--and for many newlyweds, it simply isn't. Tell your spouse what feels good--and what doesn't--and ask your spouse to communicate the same to you. Sex can and should get better and better over time, as you perfect together this physical expression of your love.

5. Be sensitive when it comes to the in-laws. Marriages in their first year are almost like teenagers--they're hell-bent on demonstrating their independence. This is a time when it is important to learn how to rely on each other and resist, when possible, the temptation of running to mom or dad every time you're lonely, depressed, or otherwise blue. Your spouse is your main support now, and it can really grind at a marriage when your spouse feels that she isn't considered as such. On the other hand, in-laws are family, too, and just because your spouse married you doesn't mean that she has forsaken her own family. If you can, attend family gatherings and become a part of the larger family picture.

6. Avoid debt. Even more than sex, debt will drive married couples apart. Money stress can tear at a marriage. Live within your means as a newly-married couple so that debt stress doesn't hang over you and you can concentrate on other facets of your marriage for a while. You may not be rich--yet!--but your priority now should be the relationship between you and your spouse--and the last thing you need to fret over during that first year is a serious debt issue.

7. Be romantic! It seems like a no-brainer, but the romantic acts that characterize the dating and engagement periods can easily and quickly disappear after a few months of marriage. Make an effort to continue expressing your love in these overtly romantic ways--like writing a love letter or a poem, bringing home flowers or going on dates.

Tips & Warnings

• Adding to Step 7, consider making one night a week "date night" to keep that romantic spirit alive.