How to Prepare for Speed Dating
If you're new in town or have been out of the dating pool for awhile but don't want to dive head-first into the nearest bar, speed dating can be a convivial, safe harbor for friendly flirtation. Likewise, if you're a busy professional who doesn't have enough free nights to spend on seeing if a relationship has a future, the round-robin approach of sizing up multiple singles via short chats can save you both time and money.
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Instructions
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Decide in advance what you're looking for in the speed dating experience. Making new friends to go out with on a few casual dates, for instance, is quite a bit different than zealously seeking a soulmate who will bear your children.
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Identify what qualities are important to you in a dating companion. If you hate camping, for example, you're not going to have a promising relationship with a woodsman who'll want you to pitch a tent, clean his trout and shoot bears. Career aspirations, religious beliefs, socio-economic lifestyles and physical traits are just a few of the things that factor into a long-term compatibility package. And, of course, if you love pets and children, they need to go at the top of the list of items you refuse to compromise.
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Research the speed dating opportunities available in your community. These events are typically held at clubs, restaurants, bars and on college campuses. The fees vary depending on the venue, the number of participants, and the refreshments provided. You should also inquire how much time is allocated for each chat. The average length is about seven minutes; each time the buzzer sounds, participants move on to someone new and the Q&A process starts all over again.
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Ask about the dress code if it's not readily apparent from the venue. "Business casual" is generally the norm, although a private club or a posh bar will merit a dressier appearance. If you were on a first date with one person--as opposed to several dozen at the speed dating event--think about what you'd wear to this particular setting.
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Compile a mental list of topics to chat about.
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Understand the rules of the speed dating process. Although these will be reviewed prior to the commencement of the event, it's important to accept that you can't initiate any dates or ask for personal contact information during the chat portion of the event. Nor can you walk out of a boring encounter before time has been called.
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Remember that you never get a second chance to make a stellar first impression.
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Maintain reasonable expectations of the outcome. Not every person you're attracted to is going to reciprocate your interest. Don't take it personally. There are probably just as many people who were hoping something would click with you.
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Arrange in advance to have a debriefing session with a close friend immediately following the speed dating event. You need an objective listener who can make comment on your interactions and impressions without having seen the individuals in person.
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Tips & Warnings
Have a dress rehearsal of what you're doing to wear if you're torn amongst several outfits. Ask friends whose opinions you trust to give you their feedback about which ensemble is the most flattering.
Make sure your shoes are polished and in good condition.
Ask more open-ended questions with your listeners as opposed to yakking ad nauseum about yourself.
It's probably best to steer clear of religion and politics as it's easy for either of these hot-button topics to not only dominate your short chat but also escalate into an argument.
Whatever you project to the world is exactly what you attract. Translated: if you are desperate and needy, that's exactly the kind of person who will be drawn to you.
If you've just been through a bad break-up, you need to be sensitive to whether you're using speed dating for revenge or as a frantic salve for loneliness. Neither attitude will make you a good candidate for new friendships or romantic relationships.
Resources
- Photo Credit Photo by Christina Hamlett
