How to Help When Someone Dies

Even though it’s difficult to come to grips with, death is a part of life. When our circle of friends or family experiences a loss, the rest of the group must come together to remember the deceased and tend to the feelings of the living. There are, of course, plenty of possible problems that could arise, and everyone is different. Some people are stoic when they experience a loss and don’t want to display a lot of emotion; others can’t control themselves from doing so. Here are some ways to help when someone dies.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Understand the situation. Get all the answers you need about what has happened. If a loved one died in an accident, try to get the whole story. While it may be hurtful at first to contemplate their last moments, or hear the ugly details, it’s better in the long run. No matter how much you want to deny what has happened, logic will return in the long term and things will start to make sense.

2. Demonstrate that you are available for anyone who might need you. Some people don’t like asking for help, which is why you should give it to them without their needing to ask. While it’s not a good idea to be pushy, offer to run errands if you’re nearby. If you’re far away, offer to return if you weren’t going to anyway. Be sure to call and just talk so your friend will know you care.

3. Offer to help with the funeral arrangements. The time after the loss of a loved one is the worst time to make an important decision. Unfortunately, this is the time when one has to make countless decisions. Which funeral home to use? What kind of flowers? Should there be music? Who will do the eulogy? Even if you just accompany your friend or family member to the funeral home, you’ll be able to help them keep a cool head and make rational decisions. (And while you’re at it, consider making your own funeral arrangements while you’re still around to save your family from the stress.)

4. Be the rock. Be the person who is calmest, the shoulder everyone can cry on. (This doesn’t apply to the person who is closest to the deceased.) This is easier than it sounds. All you have to do is show your general concern to those who are in pain. Shake their hand or hug them and tell them how much the deceased meant to everyone.

5. Maintain a long-term outlook. The pain and sense of loss can get worse after the day of the funeral. Visit the people who are experiencing the most hurt. Call them from time to time. (You might want to come up with an excuse for why you are calling; some people like to pretend they don’t need any help.)

Resources

• This site features lots of information about grief counseling.
• Here are some ways to cope with impending death.