How to Piss Off Your Parents

In case you’re running short on ideas or simply hoping to add new weapons to your arsenal, here are some great tips on how to really anger your parents. These tips can be carried out on your own or with the enlisted help of friends, siblings, even eager grandparents. The best thing is, you can even pat yourself on the back for “educating” yourself in this volatile area of expertise.

Instructions

How to Piss Off Your Parents

1. Run up your cell phone minutes. Parents love to be able to keep track of their children at all times. These days, the favorite way to do that among parents is to add a line and gift you with a cell phone. Talk on it during peak hours, take a drive so you can incur roaming charges. It’s fun, it’s easy and it’s sure to piss off your parents and make them wish they didn’t know where you were--ever.

2. Use bad manners at social functions. Mom and Dad having the boss over for dinner? Chew with your mouth open, burp after you take a sip of your water. Want to really see your parents turn red? Tell the boss that you’re so glad your dad no longer has to work for that schmuck he complained about last week. Oops, he’s not the new boss? He’s the old boss--the schmuck? Hate it when that happens!

3. Embrace the unusual, at least by your parents’ standards. Ultra-conservative parents? Show up to church with jet black hair and black nail polish while sporting your best grunge clothes. On the other hand, if you have liberal parents, nothing will get under their skin more than if you join a youth group or start attending a local church three times a week, while they wonder where they went wrong in enlightening you.

4. Do your best to show ingratitude of mega proportions. Return your birthday gift for cash while nonchalantly expressing your confusion over their bad taste. Never say thank you and rather than asking for anything, demand everything. These are sure fire ways to piss off your parents.