How to Be a Dominatrix

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

A male. There are lots of them. Pick one that amuses you.
A collar and a genital harness (for him).
Something to wear. Hmmm. Black, sexy, attention-getting, and commanding.
Stilettos. Again, black, sexy ... you know.
A good stiff black leather crop.
A leash, about 6 feet long.
Other accoutrements? We'll get to that later. These are the basics.

Step 1

Shoes with feminine authority!

PREPARE YOURSELF MENTALLY: There isn't a man alive that doesn't love a woman who can take control of him sexually. He has already been trained since the time he was a little boy to take orders from women: his mother, big sister, aunt, grandmother, baby-sitter, the lady next door, kindergarten teacher, etc. When he had his first crush on a sexy school-teacher he became familiar with an authoritative, no-nonsense woman in high heels. But about the time he finished high school, he got rebellious, and began to resist the natural sexual authority of women. But its still there, laying dormant just under the surface. You can quickly reawaken those submissive tendencies in him, and get him right back where he belongs -- at your feet! Rest assured that he'll be happier for it in the long run. Remember, sexual submission to a dominant and sexually confident woman is part of his very nature. At the same time, you have to be ready to present him with the ultimatum. Either he participates in this with you, or the relationship is over. If you aren't ready to make that stand, then you aren't ready to be a dominatrix. If you don't feel that he's ready, go read my other article on "Training Your Man."
Step 2

A good stiff crop.

PURCHASE THE NEEDED EQUIPMENT: Aside from your attire, you will need certain items for your sessions. You will need a stiff, black leather, riding crop. For him, you will need: 1) a black, one-inch wide, leather or nylon collar; 2) a six-foot, black leather or nylon leash; 3) a genital harness, or what is commonly called a "cock & ball" harness; 4) You may also want to purchase black leather or nylon wrist and ankle restraint cuffs; and 5) spreader bars and other items that you will see on various on-line catalogs. But these last two items are for advanced training exercises, and may be omitted from your initial sessions.
Step 3

Be pleasant but firm with him.

PRESENT HIM WITH THE IDEA: Sit down and discuss all this with him. Explain that you want him to cooperate with you on doing some "therapeutic training exercises" with you. Explain to him that these exercises are therapeutic for three reasons: 1) They will help him explore his sexuality and learn to focus his sexual attention on you, where it belongs; 2) They will help the two of you to develop your sexual relationship together, as a couple; and 3) They will help you develop your feminine sexual powers, and achieve your full sexual potential. He may be reluctant, and he may even come right out and say that he doesn't want to. But you need to be calm, confident and firm with him, and explain to him that you are not "asking" him, but are just simply "informing" him that he IS going to participate in this with you. Speak about it as if it is a fait accompli, and explain that if he's a good boy and does as he's told, that there may be a big reward for him in the end. Don't promise him a reward. That depends on how good he is. But tempt him with the possibility of a reward.
Step 4

PUT ON YOUR "WORK CLOTHES": Explain to him that you are going to go to the bedroom to get dressed for your first "session." It is important that you dress in black. You may choose to dress simply in a sexy black bra and panties with stilettos. Or you may choose to dress more elaborately with garterbelt, stockings, gloves, and a corset, basque, bustier, or waist-cincher. I've conducted very successful training sessions in nothing but a black g-string and platform heels. Wear what you like, but always make it black and sexy. The purpose of your attire is not just to arouse him and focus his sexual attention, but to "COMMAND" his sexual attention and keep it riveted on you. A man's greatest sexual weakness is that he is very visual, and you must use that to your advantage. Harness his weakness to "dominate" him. As his tiny male brain becomes aroused by the visual image of his Goddess, the blood flow in his brain is diverted away from his anterior cingulate cortex, the decision-making part of his brain. And as his decision-making powers become increasingly impaired, he will become more compliant, acquiescent, obedient and submissive to your commands. This is how it works.
Step 5

Obedience is a desirable trait in males. But it must be taught and reinforced.

RULES FOR HIM: Inform him ahead of time of the following rules: 1) When you are about ready, you will ring a bell. When he hears the bell, he is to go immediately to a predetermined room in the house, strip completely and wait for you. He should stand facing the doorway with his head down, looking at the floor. 2) When you come to the door, he is to lock his eyes on your feet. He is not allowed to ogle you, gape at you, or look up at you. Explain to him that your manner of dress is not for his amusement or entertainment. As a woman, you are naturally sexy, and you are most comfortable dressing sexy. During these sessions, the proper place for his eyes is "locked on your feet." 3) Once you come to the door, and the session begins, he is not to speak unless spoken to. If spoken to, you will most likely ask him "yes" or "no" questions. His answers should be limited to: "Yes, Maam," "No, Maam," or "I don't know, Maam." For the word "Maam," you may choose to substitute words like "Mistress," "Princess," "Goddess," or whatever you like. If he feels the need to say something or ask a question, he must first get your permission by addressing you by name, "Goddess Lisa," and asking, "May I have permission to say something, Maam?" Of course, you may or may not grant that permission. Don't permit him to get "chatty." 4) In any case, he is to obey your every command during the training session. Remember, this isn't play. This is therapy.
Step 6

A simple but important item.

PREPARING YOUR MALE FOR TRAINING: When you present yourself at the door of his room, you will have your crop in one hand, and his blindfold, collar, harness and leash in the other. Pause at the door for a moment to see if he can keep his eyes down on your feet. If he cannot resist the temptation to look up and ogle his Mistress's beauty, then you will need to correct him, but remember, males are visual creatures, and you are so beautiful and sexy that the untrained male will have great difficulty resisting the temptation to look up at you. Then tell him to turn around. When he has done so, place the blindfold or a black cloth hood over his head, place the collar around his neck and secure the leash to it, and then lead him over to a chair where you will sit. Once seated, you can secure the harness to his genitals, and then transfer the leash from his collar to the harness. Never let him put these items on or take them off of himself. It is your privilege and your obligation to do this. It reinforces your superiority over him both in his mind and in yours. Now you are able to lead him, by the leash, out to the living room, den, or to whichever room you have chosen for his reinforcement training exercises.
Step 7

POSITION ONE: He should stand with his arms at his side, and his head down as if he were looking at your feet. Typically, you will stand facing him. If you are right-handed you will probably choose to hold your crop in your right hand, and his leash in your left hand. At this point, you should pull his blindfold off. You should then proffer your left foot a bit, if you are holding his leash in your left hand. Hold your head back a bit, looking down at him, and command him, "Roger, Position One," speaking with confidence and authority. He should immediately and smoothly drop into Position One, which is: On his knees, toes pointed, butt on heels, his hands flat on the floor on either side of your left foot. His forearms should be parallel and flat on the floor, his elbows a few inches in front of his knees. And then, leaning forward, raising his butt off his heels, he should touch his forehead to the toes of your left foot. He should never rest his head on your foot. Your foot is NOT a headrest. He should hold this position until you command him to do otherwise. He is not to kiss your foot unless you command him to, and only then as a reward for him.
Step 8

A Guide for Women.

TRAINING POSITIONS: In addition to Position One, there are nine other positions described in books like "The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women." But you don't need to limit yourself to these. Create your own "Training Positions," kneeling, standing, bending, sitting, prone or suppine. Assign each position a number and have him memorize them. Practice them during each session until he becomes proficient. When you say, "Roger, Position Four," he should be moving toward Position Four before you finish pronouncing the "r" in the word "Four."
Step 9

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT: When putting him through his Training Positions, if he does something especially good, or finally gets a particular Training Position right, you should encourage him with positive reinforcement. Let him hear you purr a soft "Good Boy." Eventually he will relish hearing you say those words, and just that simple reward, knowing that he has pleased you, will become the principle reward for which he strives. But, if he hesitates or "balks" at a command, or if he performs the wrong position, you will need to "Correct" him. Correction consists of 1) letting him know that he has done something wrong; 2) letting him know what it is that he did wrong; 3) letting him know that it displeases you (this can be accomplished simply with your tone of voice); and 4) it should be accompanied by a swat or a "stroke" with your crop upon his butt or the back of his thighs. Correction should always be 1) immediate and swift, not five minutes later, 2) consistent, and not flexible, and 3) significant and meaningful. This last one means that it should be hard enough to make him wish he had not done something wrong, but NEVER so hard that it would inflict harm. There is a difference between harm and pain. Remember, to him, the fact that he displeased his Mistress will be far more punishment than any swat or stroke you could administer. The stroke is merely to punctuate your displeasure. I recommend a mix of 70 to 80 percent positive reinforcement, and only 20 to 30 percent negative reinforcement in any given one hour session. Don't get too impatient, he will improve over time. If he performs well during a session, you can reward him by letting him massage your feet or fix you a bubble bath afterwards. If you are intimate with your male, the best reward you can give him is to permit him to give you oral sex afterwards. This is something he will learn to work for eagerly.
Step 10

Look how happy he is now.

MAINTAIN A REGULAR TRAINING SCHEDULE: A good rule of thumb is to hold your one-hour Training Sessions at least once a week and never more than three times a week. I find that the best Training Schedule is about twice a week, spaced out every three or four days for the first few weeks until he has memorized all his positions. Then you can go to once a week. As he becomes proficient in his positions, you will notice that he will begrudgingly start to look forward to his Training Sessions, and eventually he will become openly eager for them. The long term results of a regular training schedule is that he will become more and more devoted to you, you will find yourself more in control of the relationship, and you will become a more sexually confident woman.

Comments

soniaciroc said

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on 10/18/2009 Excellent advice. When you state: "There isn't a man alive that doesn't love a woman who can take control of him sexually" you are right on. Thanks for the article.