How to Not Be Shy In Social Settings

You can learn to manage shyness in social settings.

Does the thought of being in a social setting leave you extremely nervous with sweaty palms and a clammy forehead? Or does it make you want to reach for a stiff drink to boost your confidence? Being shy in social settings can be daunting, but it does not have to stop you from attending parties and get-togethers. While you may not be the life of the party, there are steps you can take to ensure you blend in and have a great time.

Instructions

1. Be conscious of your shy behavior. Trying to get rid of naturally shyness is almost like trying to get rid of a part of you. Instead, concentrate on masking any behavior you exhibit when you are in social settings that make you come across as shy, and gradually change those. This could be something like learning to project your voice, taking initiative in saying hi to other people instead of waiting for them to approach you or learning to maintain eye contact when conversing with someone.

2. Give yourself a pep talk prior to attending social gatherings. Shyness occurs due to extreme self consciousness, preoccupation with your thoughts and uneasiness. Stand in front of the mirror before heading out to interact to reassure yourself that you look okay. Keep reminding yourself that there are no expectations to be anyone but you. Your self-acceptance will make others even more receptive towards you.

3. Learn or memorize a few conversation starters. Scan the room and approach one person you would feel comfortable speaking to. Use the time spent talking to him to gain more confidence to approach more people.

4. Learn all you can about a variety of topics that interest you. Small talk can be quite challenging when you are shy. However, if you are well versed in various topics, you will likely have something to talk about that is interesting. You may even draw in a crowd of people that will enjoy hearing what you have to say.

5. Give yourself time and opportunities to get better in social settings. The more you interact with people, the more you learn about your weaknesses and the more you have the opportunity to try out different things to overcome your shyness.

References

• Fordham University: Body Language
• California Institute of Technology; Understanding and Overcoming Shyness; Karen Payne, Ph.D.

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish
• Conversation Starters: 101 Conversation Starters