-
Step 1
Start small. A brief conversation or "hello" at a family event can start the healing process. You don't need to say a lot, just open the possibility of a better relationship by acting cordial.
-
Step 2
Forget the past. In conversations with the estranged relative, put aside the old wounds that caused the original falling out. Don't mention them, revisit the subject, or even apologize for the past. Let sleeping dogs lie and show that you've moved on with your life.
-
Step 3
Connect with the individual on a new level, with a sense of respect. A lot of family estrangement occurs because a family member feels trapped in an old or childish role, with no sense of escape. Therefore, a complete break occurs so the family member can form a new identity without criticism. Respect this new identity and don't resurrect old family roles.
-
Step 4
Treat the estranged relative as you would treat a friend. Don't go into overly intimate details about your life, or expect the same. You'll need to both form a new relationship that is anchored in mutual trust, not family ties.
-
Step 5
Be careful not to repeat your old mistakes. Don't fall into your old methods of interaction because they seem comfortable. Move forward onto a new relationship with this individual, even if you don't have a lot to say, or no longer have much in common. People need the freedom to change and express themselves in new ways. Don't be the judge of whether this expression is valid. How a person used to act wasn't necessarily their "real" way of acting.
Comments
singhgd said
on 12/5/2009 General and good tips. Thanks