How to Act at a Formal Dinner
Modern life and culture is all about casual and comfortable. Today, many people do not know how to act at a formal dinner. What are the rules in that social setting? Etiquette is an old-fashioned word. The basis for social rules is really being kind and considerate to others. Most of it is common sense and paying attention to a few details.
Other People Are Reading
Instructions
-
-
1
Dress appropriately. Look at the invitation to see if there is a dress code, like black tie. Wear the required attire at the formal dinner. For black tie, men wear black tuxedos with white shirts and black ties. Women wear long evening gowns. Pay attention to the fit of all the clothes. Don’t forget good dress shoes. The Emily Post website (see Resources) has a great guide describing the proper attire for different occasions, including white tie to semi-formal.
-
2
Smile. It puts everyone around at ease and makes a good impression. Don’t have a giant, fake smile, though. Be natural and relaxed.
-
-
3
Be a good date. It is common that people bring dates to a formal dinner. It is likely that one of the pair knows more people at the party. That person should introduce his or her date around the room at the beginning of the evening. Dates should stick close to each other so that the other person is not abandoned. It is not good to stay joined at the hip the entire time, however. That is smothering. Separate occasionally and talk to different people for a while, checking back in with each other throughout the night.
-
4
Shake hands properly when greeting other guests at a formal dinner. Don’t grip too hard or offer a limp hand. Both are equally unpleasant. Don’t hold on too long or shake too hard. Three short shakes is a good standard.
-
5
Don’t initiate hugs with new acquaintances at a formal dinner. Hug back if someone starts a hug. Of course, it is fine to hug any friends or family.
-
6
Be friendly and talk to people. Participate in conversation. Try to get to know at least one new person at the table.
-
7
Don’t be too loud or hog the conversation. Loud talkers should make a point to pay attention to the general volume level in the room. People at other tables or in other clusters mingling around the room should not be able to hear the descriptive story about Uncle Joe's emergency gallbladder surgery.
-
8
Don’t swear or talk about uncomfortable or possibly offensive topics at a formal dinner. Some things to avoid are gory medical details and political or religious rants. Stating a political or religious affiliation or opinion in a polite and respectful manner is fine. There is more flexibility when the other table guests are familiar friends and family whose tastes and personal sensitivities are well known.
-
9
Drink moderately or not at all. It’s never attractive to be drunk at a formal dinner party, especially in front of the boss, important business contacts or coworkers.
-
10
Use dinner utensils properly. Start from the outside in. The salad fork is smaller and is further from the plate than the dinner fork. Salad comes before the main course. Use the outside fork first. If there are many courses and strange, specialized utensils, the outside first principle still applies. Watch the other guests at the table if you're unsure of how to use unfamiliar utensils.
-
11
Don’t take huge bites or eat too fast. A formal dinner is not an eating competition. Relax and enjoy the conversation during dinner.
-
12
Don’t complain about a dish that does not taste good. Simply leave the unappetizing food on the plate without making a production of it.
-
1
Tips & Warnings
Be as genuine and natural as possible.
Don’t act fake or tell lies to impress anyone. Most people see through it.
Resources
- Photo Credit Cheryl Hedlund
