How to Get Along with Adult Stepchildren
Marrying someone with adult children can be a challenge. While younger children will probably still live in your home, at least part of the time, many adult stepchildren have already left to live by themselves or to marry. Without the close proximity of everyday living, creating bonds and relationships with your adult stepchildren can be more difficult. Using some easy tactics, though, can help create a true, blended family rather than one pushed together by chance.
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Instructions
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Go slowly. Having a good relationship with your adult stepchildren won't happen overnight. Having a short but pleasant conversation may seem worthless, but it's not. Every positive interaction you have with them sets the next one up to be better and possibly longer.
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Insist on being respected. Sometimes adult stepchildren behave badly as they feel loyalty to their absent parent or feel, because they are grown up, they don't need to have any relationship with you at all. Explain to them that disrespecting you is disrespecting your spouse and the decision he made.
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Be polite and civil, even if they are not. If your stepdaughter tries to compete with you all the time, or your stepson does nothing more than grunt at you, don't stoop to their level. When they don't get a negative reaction from you, they'll stop behaving badly.
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Listen to them. Part of creating a good relationship with adult stepchildren is making them think their lives are important to you. Ask questions about their day. Get their advice on things like clothing shopping, where to go on vacation or a good restaurant, and follow it.
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Be a friend, not a parent. An adult stepchild does not need another parent. She already has at least one, often two, and is capable of running her own life. Listen to her as a friend would, but do not attempt to discipline her or tell her what to do.
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Let them your stepchildren have alone time with your spouse. Remember, they were a part of this family before you came along. They will always have things they want to discuss with your spouse without your being present. Respect that and allow them to have that time.
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Understand your stepchildren may not always be open about their feelings, but, even if they behave differently, they do still want to be liked and admired by you.
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Laugh. A sense of humor can alleviate many potentially difficult situations and can create a feeling of closeness between you, if both you and your stepchildren can see the funny side of things.
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Communicate. Even if it feels like things are always going to be difficult, don't stop trying to make them better. Tell your stepchildren how you feel, what you think could help solve a difficult situation and, most importantly, let them know you like them.
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Tips & Warnings
Make sure every occasion at which you see your stepchildren is pleasant and fun, and your home a nice place to be.
Don't compete with them for your spouse's affections.
References
Resources
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