Things You'll Need:
- Research
- Patience
- Self-control
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Step 1
Familiarize yourself with the local rules of court and your state's custody laws. These can typically be found on court and government websites. Knowledge of local rules and state laws will be important to you if a judge or mediator should step outside of his or her authority (and it does happen). Also, going to court is like visiting a foreign country- it's always good to familiarize yourself with the local customs.
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Step 2
Appearance counts, so dress well. If you want the powers-that-be to believe that you can provide well for your children, start by showing that you can provide for yourself. A suit is not necessary; office attire should be sufficient.
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Step 3
Always, always, always remember that the judge and the mediator are deities in the courtroom, but they are flawed people just like the rest of us in the outside world.
a) Legal decision makers have prejudices and preconceived notions, too. Learn to work with them if the biases are in your favor. Try to work around them if they are not.
b) As much as you might like to tell the judge or mediator where to go and how to get there, please refrain. It might make you feel better in the short-term, but court officials have the power to make your life a nightmare in the long-term (and your children's lives by proxy). -
Step 4
Always take the high road. The court already knows that you and your ex don't get along (the fact that you're in court at all is usually a dead giveaway).
a) Your ex may indeed be a lying doody head, but don't say so in open court. Any complaints that you make should be relevant to your children's welfare. Above all, make sure you have proof to substantiate any accusations you may make.
b) Don't allow yourself to be baited (your better than that). If your ex is a bulldozer personality who constantly makes unfounded allegations in rapid-fire succession, wait for a pause in his or her tirade and calmly inform the judge, "That is not true. Would you like me to respond to those allegations?" Be prepared to give a clear and concise statement that takes the focus off of your ex' s allegations and brings it back to your children's welfare. Conversely, be prepared for the judge to say, "No." -
Step 5
Treat this court order as if you will get no modifications and it is the last you will ever receive. Don't agree to anything that you are not willing to live with until your children are 18. If a judge or mediator states that a provision is temporary ask that that be noted in the order and a return to court date be set (if applicable).
