How to Appear Busy at the Office Even When You Are Not

During these times of economic uncertainty, many companies are looking for opportunities to tighten their corporate belts and eliminate any personnel they perceive to be under performing. Don't be one of those unfortunate employees! Armed with the right information, you can still be an unproductive idler and maintain your employment.

Here are some tried and true tips to help you appear productive while remaining a sluggard.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Lack of motivation
• Some acting talent

1. 
    

   Keep your work area untidy.
   Everybody knows that an employee who has time to clean his or her work area doesn't have enough work to do and may be expendable. Keep a few printed graphs and spreadsheets strewn about your desk. One sheet (slightly crumpled) should be sitting at your feet - you were too busy to notice it fell. Scatter a few pens about and keep a notebook filled with illegible and meaningless notes nearby at all times. Having one or two empty coffee-stained styrofoam cups around will really finish the look.

2. Stare at your monitor intently.
   Maintaining the appearance of intense concentration is key whether you're playing an online game, writing an eHow article or checking the value of your stock portfolio. Don't look up when co-workers pass by your cubicle. You're far too busy to be cordial. If the passerby is your boss, kick the act up a notch by furrowing your brow and letting out a subtle, yet audible sigh. If a co-worker stops by to talk shop, be sure that you act slightly startled to show that you've been jarred out of some deep cost-cutting analysis.

3. 
    

   If you have a telephone headset, wear it.
   You're obviously swamped handling customer calls if you can't even bother to remove that uncomfortable headset. How could someone question your diligence if you don't even care how silly you look with that thing on your head? This tip is also good for preventing the pop-in visit from co-workers you don't want like to speak to. When they walk in, just point to the headset and silently mouth the words, "Sorry, on a call." Shrug and look disappointed. They fall for it every time.

4. If you must step away from your desk, always have work-related paperwork in your hands.
   As you're meandering the halls of your office to shoot the breeze, a report or invoice in your fist will give the appearance that you're investigating a troubling business truth. To the untrained eye, you're on a mission to the save the company money. Who is going to question that?

5. 
    

   Eat at your desk.
   Even if you just came back from a 2 hour lunch at Chili's, make sure you eat (or at least have) some food at your desk. An apple is great for this. Take one bite from it and leave it on your desk with the bitemark in plain view. Once it starts to brown, your cube mates will realize that you didn't pull yourself away from your work long enough to satisfy your most crucial of physical needs. You're obviously a key player and a keeper.

Tips & Warnings

• Been spotted walking around the office without paperwork? Relax. Glance at your watch or Blackberry, feign a gasp and walk briskly back to your work area. Observers will think you're off to yet another conference call.
• Other slackers in your office have likely read this same article and may be using the same tactics. Try to be original!

[nirmalwebpage]

on 12/28/2009 This is awesome. Love it!!

[annafine]

on 6/9/2009 Hilarious!

[sgfgirl]

on 3/7/2009 It's funny because it's true. Thanks!

[utopiandream30]

on 3/2/2009 Haha, the title grabbed my attention for sure, then I read on and loved it! Thanks! 5*

[wordwhirler]

on 2/21/2009 Love this!! Another tip: refuse to take on any new projects, as though your workload is already overwhelming you. Be sure to grimace as you say it.