How to Date When You're Over 45
It can sometimes feel as if dating is a game for 20-somethings, but you should never count yourself out. You're never too old to find someone to have dinner with on a Friday night, or even to spend the rest of your life with. With a good pep talk in the mirror and by following these steps, anyone can make the world of dating her own.
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Instructions
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Define your expectations. Are you looking for a purely physical relationship or someone to spend the weekends with--or do you want something more? Knowing what you expect from the dating experience will help you get what you want--it will steer you toward potential partners who are appropriate to your situation, desires and needs.
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Be confident. Though it can be easy for all daters, no matter their age, to feel like they might not be good enough for other people, lowered self-esteem can be a bigger problem for daters who aren't in their 20s anymore. Don't think about past failures in relationships, or about your changing, aging body. Instead, focus on the positive: You're a catch--for someone out there.
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Be bold. If you already have someone in mind, ask her out. You may feel that you've been out of the game too long and that you no longer know how to approach people, or that you feel uncomfortable doing so. Accept that asking someone out is always a 50/50 proposition, but that it means you have an equal chance of hearing that magic word: yes.
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Be creative. Many daters over 45 are tired of younger hunting grounds (bars and clubs), but these are by no means the only places to meet people. You might meet someone anywhere, at any time of the day: at church or temple, while walking your dog in the morning, when trying to pick out an avocado at the farmers' market, grabbing a coffee between meetings--literally anytime. Keep an eye out for people with whom you share common interests, as this is an automatic conversation-starter. As a single person, the world is your oyster, if you're wiling to grab it.
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Try singles events. Many communities offer events--mixers and speed dating, for example--for unmarrieds who are no longer spring chickens. Check your local paper for these events--and while you're at it, submit a personal ad, a very popular option for middle-aged (and older) daters.
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Get online. The Internet allows people who once felt isolated to reach out in steps. There is a plethora of baby-boom dating resources online (see Resources), and many sites where you can create a profile that includes your personal information (only what you feel like sharing, of course) and photographs. This is a great way to find someone who might be right for you--and an easy way to weed out anyone who isn't.
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Tips & Warnings
Focus on your date. Everyone has a history, and by the time you're 45, it's a long history: You might, for instance have children and an ex-husband or two in your past. Focus on the present (and the future) when you're just meeting someone, and allow him to get to know all about you in an organic way.
Don't assume that everything has changed just because you've gotten older. Accentuate your own positives, and remember: Date the way you want to be dated.
