How to Deal With Aging Parents

It happened before you knew it. Until now, your parents worried that you would head out into the rain without an umbrella. They would always ask if you were getting enough sleep or if you were eating your vegetables. All of a sudden, they need to rely on you more than ever, and that change has probably been more stressful than you ever imagined. As the population gets older, more and more people will face the same role-reversal. Here are a few ways you can reduce stress by dealing with your aging parents.

Instructions

1. Prepare for your parents' physical and social needs before they need them. As a start, talk with them about their finances now, rather than later, even though they will be reluctant to do so. You need to know their financial capacity before you can make decisions about long-term care. For example, find out if they have sufficient resources to enter an extended care facility that will provide for both their social and health-related needs. Delaying until the need arises will only complicate the decision.

2. Broach the subject of how they want to spend the remainder of their lives. More particularly, probe their feelings about how you should handle end of life decisions. The easiest way to do this is to find out if they have given their doctor a so-called advance directive, or if they have prepared living wills. By doing this, you will eliminate uncertainty and confusion as well as the guilt you will experience by shouldering all the responsibility yourself.

3. Understand how your parents' medical expenses are covered; and if you think it is insufficient, add to it. For instance, Medicare provides terrific coverage but it does not extend to long-term care. But state-sponsored Medicaid does, given certain criteria. See if your parents qualify for this kind of coverage based on their projected income. If they do not, consider buying long-term care coverage, even though it might be prohibitively expensive.

4. Support your parents by becoming an advocate regarding their care. While the medical profession has made great strides in the area of geriatrics, the preponderance of effort is made towards keeping our younger population healthy. If, for whatever reason, your parents begin seeing a new doctor, or their lives have been altered by illness or change of residence, become well informed of the choices available. For example, not all nursing homes provide the same care. Insist that your parents receive the best care possible, because your peace of mind is at stake.

Tips & Warnings

• Take the “should have” off the table as it relates to your parents' future care. After they are gone, you do not want to be saddled with the guilt from not knowing your parents' financial and health alternatives.