-
Step 1
Recognize the function of the child's behavior. Your child is on the floor in the supermarket screaming. Before you do anything, try to answer this simple question: "What is the function of this behavior?" Is the child throwing a tantrum because she is being denied something that she wants? If this has happened before, how has the scenario played out? Oftentimes what happens is the following: The child asks for something. You say "No." The child screams and makes a scene. You say "No" again. The child screams louder. You finally give in. This has set up a pattern in the child's mind that has let her know that if she screams and wails loud enough, she will eventually get what she wants. This behavior will continue to worsen until you break this pattern of behavior.
-
Step 2
Change your reaction tactic. This is the tough part. During this process, there may be one or two times that you may have to cut your shopping trip short in order to maintain this behavior plan, but it will pay off in the long run when your child has learned that he can not and will not always get what he wants. Your reaction to the child's behavior during a tantrum from here on out is to be first and foremost, indifference to his pleas. If he sees that he is getting under your skin, he knows he is pushing the right buttons and getting closer to obtaining that thing you have forbidden him to have. You must also be prepared to leave the premises of wherever you are immediately if the behavior escalates. This is not always the easiest thing to do, so plan to start this behavior modification program during a time when you know you won't be taking the child to a whole lot of places that are difficult to leave in a flash.
-
Step 3
Seek out the extinction burst. Once you have modified your way of thinking about how to react to your child, it's time to put it to the test. The first time is always the worst, so expect it to get ugly. When the child begins to throw a tantrum, the behavior will escalate as you refuse to give her what she wants. Because she knows, in the past, that it is only a matter of time and volume before you give in to her, the behavior will escalate. This behavior will continue past the point that you may have seen it before. If you are out somewhere public, you will most likely be forced to leave. Once home, continue to treat the child's tantrums with indifference. This does not mean that you are mistreating her in any way. You are simply showing her through your behavior that acting this way will not get her anything at all. The behavior will hit, what is referred to in the Association of Behavior Analysis world, as an "extinction burst," where the child will realize that there is no more that she can do. The behavior will immediately subside. Once it subsides, give her praise for what a good job she has done in calming down. Positive reinforcement is key to making this modification work.
-
Step 4
Be consistent. The only way this will work is to have 100 percent consistency in your behavior plan. After the child's first extinction burst, the behavior modification will become easier and easier each time a tantrum occurs. This does not mean that there won't be any more tantrums. It also doesn't mean that he won't misbehave. However, he will understand, through consistent behavioral modifying reaction on your part, that if he throws a tantrum, all bets are off and he won't get anything. If you are inconsistent with your behavioral plan, the cycle will start again, and it will be worse than before, because he will know that the bar is set higher for how big his tantrum must be to get what he wants.
