How to Handle Broken Wedding Engagements

A broken engagement can be easier if you follow the rules of etiquette.

It may seem like the plot of a soap opera or a romantic comedy, but it is a sad fact that not all engagements make it to the altar. Unlike the celluloid versions, however, real-world break-ups tend to leave time for you to observe proper etiquette.

Instructions

1. Breaking an engagement at the last minute presents special problems. Wedding invitations must be rescinded via telephone, telegram or, if absolutely necessary, email. Enclose a brief personal note to your closest friends and relatives, but it is unnecessary to go into detail.

2. Reimbursing members of the wedding party is not necessary. You do not have to pay bridesmaids for their dresses or groomsmen for their tuxedo rentals. You can see if the bridal salon will offer a refund or help the attendants find a shop that will sell the items on consignment.

3. Send an announcement to any newspaper that may have published your wedding announcement. You may simply state something to the effect of, “The engagement of Miss Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith has been ended by mutual consent.”

4. Let the law decide who keeps the engagement ring. The laws of each state differ in regard to such matters. It has become common etiquette that whoever initiates the breakup forfeits the claim to the ring, but in some states, like New York State, the ring returns to the giver. If the ring is a family heirloom, it is honorable to return it to the owner’s family.

5. Ending an engagement due to the death of a partner follows particular rules. Each gift must be returned to the sender. A surviving close friend or family member may help with this task. You or a helper must also send a release to every newspaper that published your announcement. Simply state, “The wedding of Miss Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith will not take place due to the death of (the deceased partner)."

Tips & Warnings

• While it maybe tempting to assign blame for a canceled wedding, it can alienate friends. Trust them to see the big picture.