How to Drive Like an Idiot

Member

By Vanillatte
User-Submitted Article

Article Rating: (13 Ratings)

Drive Like an Idiot

A satirical eHow on how to drive your car in order to annoy as many people as possible.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

a car
an intense desire to own the road
a healthy dose of disrespect for other drivers

Step 1

Don't wear your seatbelt.
Step 2

Better yet, don't wear your seatbelt, PLUS, talk on your cell phone.
Step 3

Even better... don't wear your seatbelt, talk on your cell phone, and eat a sandwich.
Step 4

If you're really talented and mastered steps one through three, don't wear you seatbelt, talk on your cell phone, eat a sandwich and look at yourself in your rearview mirror.
Step 5

If you're following steps one through four, drive with your knee. You don't want to drive off the road and look like an idiot!
Step 6

When stopped at an intersection, wait for an oncoming car to get close enough that they have to brake to avoid hitting you when you pull out in front of them. Make sure you don't wait so long that they actually hit you. You don't want to cause an accident. You'll look like an idiot!
Step 7

If the irritated driver in Step 6 gets too close to you and starts making obscene gestures, drive slower.
Step 8

If the irritated driver in Step 6 tries to pass you while making obscene gestures, speed up.
Step 9

If you have the right of way when you come to an intersection and someone pulls out in front of you, even if they're a half mile ahead of you, floor it. Get really close to their rear bumper. Beep your horn. Make obscene gestures. Let them know just how irritated you are that they decided to drive on your stretch of highway!
Step 10

If you're driving around a parking lot and you see someone waiting for a parking spot, but they're blocked from pulling into the spot by the car backing out of the spot, pull up from the opposite direction and steal that parking spot!! Smile at the irritated driver.
Step 11

Make sure you park so that your car is over the line, thus preventing anyone from parking in the spot next to you. Better yet, park diagonally across two parking spots.
Step 12

If you're waiting for a left turn and there are five or six cars behind you, wait until the left turn is about to expire before turning. You're doing the drivers waiting behind you a favor as this teaches them patience.