How to Avoid Overstaying Your Welcome

Being a pleasant house guest can enrich you and your hosts’ weekend visit and may ensure an invitation back. If you overstay your welcome, you will almost certainly strain a relationship with friends, former roommates, past significant others or parents-in-law. Be a delightful and timely guest by keeping in mind a few simple rules.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Set up a plan before you visit. Giving your hosts vague parameters of when and how long you’d like to stay with them is not getting off on the right foot. Be sensitive to the preparation that goes into having a guest—your hosts will have to perform tasks such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, linen washing and dinner reservations. Give them ample warning of when and how long you’ll be in town. If it’s short notice and more than a few days, don’t plan to spend more than a few nights in their place. If you’re family or good friends, this stay might be lengthened depending on how close and/or layback you are with the hosts. However, squatting for more than a few days can create tension between even the closest friends.

2. Communicate the exact time and dates you’ll be spending with your hosts. Suggest your own form of transportation to their house or apartment from the airport. This way the host can then offer to pick you up but does not feel obliged.

3. Bring a gift or token of appreciation to your hosts’ home. Tasteful home goods such as a bottle of nice wine, a throw for the sofa, scented candles, artsy bookshelf brick-à-brac, a glass decanter or something more personal such as an item representative of your hometown are all good suggestions. Coming empty handed particularly if you’re staying one or more nights is poor form.

4. Attempt to stay as low maintenance as possible. Go with the flow when it comes to plans they have already set up for the weekend. Try to be laid-back and enthusiastic about meals, evening get-togethers and afternoon schedules that that have planned for your benefit. Don’t quibble about plans, food they have prepared or the sleeping situation. Constant, petty requesting will slowly drive your hosts mad.

5. Tidy up before you depart. This involves making the bed or sofa-bed, returning all items to their original positions in the room and cleaning up any cups or trash you’ve left around your hosts’ home. Tidying up the space is a gesture that lets your guests know you’re aware of displacing their ordinary lives, but appreciate their patience and hospitality.

Tips & Warnings

• Send your hosts a thank-you card or small thank-you gift soon after your departure, particularly if you’ve spent more than a couple nights at their apartment or house. If you’ve stayed for only one dinner or evening, a sincere thank-you email or phone call is probably sufficient.
• Respect the privacy of your hosts. Don’t go rooting around in their refrigerator, pantry, drawers or closets without asking. If you’re trying avoid being high maintenance by helping yourself to water or blankets, for example, ask first.
• Help out with dinner preparation or other household tasks, but don’t be too pushy. Helping hands can sometimes become a nuisance when your host or hostess is just trying to quickly fix up appetizers or a meal.