Things You'll Need:
- Honesty
- Calm demeanor
-
Step 1
First - DO NOT tell friends and family.
A lot of people will disagree with this but I do not believe in telling family and friends about every little disagreement. Opinions are a dime a dozen and everybody has one (like this one). Before you know it, they will have helped you right out of your relationship by turning a molehill into a mountain. The next thing you know, they will be marrying or living with the one you love – so leave them out of it. Take a walk or something and clear your head. You are intelligent enough to know right from wrong. Be honest with yourself and admit when you are wrong. Separate the right from the wrong and look for patterns in your behavior and your love's behavior. Get professional relationship counseling if needed but I’m telling you; leave your best friends and family out of it. You will thank me later. Remember, when you two make up, they still know all of your dirty laundry and now they will look at both of you differently. -
Step 2
Shut up.
When the argument start, just shut up. Just shut up and be completely quiet. And old saying goes like this “One link of chain can’t rattle by itself”. After awhile, the person will realize that the yelling is not working and they will shut up, too. Think about what you want to say to address the situation. If the person is yelling and screaming, the best thing you can do is be quiet because neither one is listening to the other. Without listening, nothing productive is going to happen so save your breath. Shut up. -
Step 3
Listen. REALLY Listen.
Listen and actually hear what they are saying. Take work for an example: your love is upset because he or she took the time to cook a wonderful dinner for the two of you. With two careers emerging rapidly, you haven’t had a lot of time together and you agreed to this evening but you came home late. The person is now telling you how they feel about this so listen, hear them and acknowledge what they are saying. -
Step 4
Speak your peace.
Take your love by the hand, sit on the couch, floor, bed or whatever and speak calmly with a reasoning tone. Don’t talk down to the person like you are speaking to a child, but speak calmly with a tone of understanding what they are feeling. Then explain your side asking them to just listen and hear you. A calming and soothing voice brings the tempers under control and allows intelligent people to think and act more reasonably. -
Step 5
MakeupApologize.
Go ahead and apologize, especially if you were wrong. Be sincere and only say things you mean. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just apologize for hurting them. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, apologize for them being in pain. Let them know that when they hurt, you hurt, regardless of the reason. If permitted, give them a light kiss and close the argument. If they accept your apology – you’ll know it. -
Step 6
Make time for your relationship.
You have to have consistent interaction and communication to sustain a relationship. It can not be all about a meet, greet let's hit the sheets and see you in a week. Even if you are a busy executive, entrepreneur or whatever; you know that technology has made it possible for you to ALWAYS let your love know that you love them. A simple text message saying “I love you”, “Je t'aime” “Thinking of you”, “ Missing you”, “Wish you were here”, and so many other quick one-liners could be sent to help sustain your love. Love, like anything live, must be cultivated, cared for and nourished for it to live.
Comments
luv2blog said
on 4/2/2009 @Sherryeam. People (especially men) have to learn the difference between "shutting up" and "shutting down". I've a friend who just shuts completely down and communication is like a paralysis Can't get anywhere like that. You're lucky that your husband don't let you get away with shutting down on him The object of shutting up is to listen (and hear) what the other person is saying and then voice your side afterwards. I still say that the only way to win an argument is for both parties to come out of it with a little better understanding of their partner. MThe mking up part is easy - and fun. ::)
cindycare said
on 3/31/2009 this is great ! rrc*5
sherryeam said
on 3/31/2009 By the same token I had to learn to be quieter in a good way like you are saying. So I have gotten where I do that in disagreements with my husband now (Who is a wonderful guy.) The only thing I need to do is once I do that not let it become pouting. Once I stop talking and listen it's hard to get talking again. But that is just one of the things I LOVE about my husband. He won't let me be quiet for to long. Pretty soon he comes and start talking. We care about each others feelings which is one of the things your saying here. Once again great article. Wish I could give five stars again :)
luv2blog said
on 2/26/2009 You're right, Sherryeam. It's important that the being quiet is not as a punishment, but to show the person you want to have an intelligent conversation and not a shouting match. The only way to REALLY win an argument is for both parties to come out of it with a better understanding of what the other one is feeling.
sherryeam said
on 2/25/2009 Very good advice. I would add that the being quiet is a good thing. I have had to work on that. But I have an ex that used silence as a weapon so it's got to be a silence that comes with all the other things like the listening and the other advice in this article. :)