How to Stop a Child's Temper Tantrum

This article tells how to stop children's temper tantrums.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience!

1. Starting at around the age of 18 months to two years, most children will, at one time or another, throw a temper tantrum. Temper tantrums involve screaming, yelling, crying, and kicking on the part of the child, as well as throwning himself/herself on the floor and pounding fists.
   
   Children throw temper tantrums because they get angry when they are denied something or fail to get their own way. Very young children have difficulty expressing themselves with words and are more prone to throw tantrums, but children of all ages (and some adults, too!) will throw them when they do not get what they want.

2. To stop temper tantrums, there is only one thing to do. The child throwing the tantrum must never get what he or she wants! Even if what the child wants is something good, like a drink of water or a stuffed animal, the child must not get it or.....the child will continue to tantrum for everything they are denied. And, the tantrums will get worse as long as the child gets his own way by screaming, crying, kicking, etc.

3. Tantrums may be fairly mild, lasting a few minutes or severe, lasting hours, yes, hours!, if you have a strong-willed child. Your only hope is to have the strength to continue to deny the child what he wants.
   
   When a child throws a tantrum, immediately take him or her to a room (not a bedroom or den full of toys and a TV) and stay with him until the screaming stops. If you are shoppping or visiting, you will probably need to return home. While in the room, you should give no attention to the child, except to prevent him from hurting himself or you, or damaging items in the room.
   
   That means, do not try to reason with him, comfort him, kiss or hug him; do not tell him you love him (later for that!), give him water (except after an hour or so), or feed him, bribe him, or spank him. The less attention he gets, the less satisfying the tantrum will be. Is it hard? It is unbelieveably hard. But, you must do it.
   
   If he tries to hit you or hurt himself, or damage something, stop him from the activity with as little attention as possible. Do not talk to him or scold him. Just stop him.

4. When the child finally winds down, he will fall asleep or stop crying. If he falls asleep, take him to bed. When he wakes up or if he does not fall asleep, take him onto your lap and say, "Randy, I do not like it when you yell and scream to get your own way. We do not allow that in our family. You will never get your own way by throwing a tantrum, never. But, if you can tell me using words what you want, I will try to help you. But, even if I have to say 'No' to you, that does not give you the right to throw a tantrum. Do you understand me?" Answer any questions the child might have.
   
   Role play with the child a better way he could have handled the situation that caused the tantrum. When he is calm and you have had this conversation, tell him he owes you an apology. Help him make that apology. Then, tell him you love him.

5. Every time your child throws a tantrum, you must follow this procedure, no matter how difficult or time-consuming it is. Do not give in even a little bit, for example, saying, "Well, you can't have candy, but I'll buy you a little toy at the store." That is just the same as giving in. The child must gain nothing from the tantrum, ever!
   
   Be prepared for your child to tantrum when you are shopping or with other people, trying to embarrass you into giving in. Don't!

6. If your child has been getting his or her own way with tantrums for awhile, it will take longer to stop him or her. It may take several months! You must stick to your guns. Do not let other relatives or your spouse undermine you. Parents must be in agreement as to how they will handle tantums. If one spouse cannot "stand" the tantrum or insists on giving in (get some backbone, for Pete's sake!), that parent should let the other parent handle the tantrum. But, the tantrum cure will not work if one parent gives in to a tantrum while the other is away.

Tips & Warnings

• If you can catch a tantrum just before it starts, tell your child, "Tell me what you want it words or you won't get it." Eventually, your child will try to tell you what he wants. Help him. Then, if possible, help him get it or find a compromise. Once the tantrum starts though, he must not get what he wants.
• If your resolve to stop this behavior gets weak, think how embarrassed you'll be when you have to go to school to talk to the principal because your child is throwing tantrums there. But, you say, "My child never throws tantrums at school." Well, why not? Could it be because the teacher doesn't put up with it?
• Never put a child into a bathroom alone.

Resources

• tantrum

[jimdris]

on 4/22/2009 Great article with valuable advice!