How to Be an Easygoing Parent

Easy Does It!

Answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions: Do you sometimes snap like a drill sergeant when your kids don't pick up their dirty clothes or make their bed? Are you impatient when they don't jump up immediately to empty the garbage or brush their teeth? If they track mud on the kitchen floor right after you've mopped it, do you sometimes loose your cool? If they forget to turn in homework even though you reminded them four times, do you worry that they will grow up to be a loser? Do you scold your kids when they mess up playing on the sports team? Do you push them to do better? If you answer "yes" to three or more questions, you may need to step back and let go. Perhaps you're too hard on your kids and too hard on yourself. Here are seven ways to be more easygoing.

Things You'll Need

• A sign posted where everyone can read it: Easy Does It!

Instructions

1. Switch Gears. Use Slow Mode.
   Notice how much better you feel when you slow down. Notice how much more you enjoy your kids when you switch gears from push to slow. Everyday life is more enjoyable when you slow down enough to notice the clever things kids say, the smart observations kids make, the sweet, creative things they do and how hard they are tying to please you. Even if they're cranky, tired and misbehaving you will enjoy them more when you slow down. Try this exercise: walk easy, talk easy, move slow.

2. Place Emphasis on What Really Matters.
   Nothing is more important than being together in an easygoing way. If you're pushing yourself and your kids to accomplish more, do better, get things done and never make mistakes, you won't enjoy each other much. Everyone will be anxious. Think of it this way: 20 years from now when the kids have grown and moved out of the house, you won't remember the wet towels on the bathroom floor, but you will remember how it felt to be together.

3. Review Parenting Styles.
   Chances are you learned parenting from your own parents. Did you have an easygoing parent? Did you like their style? Is there something you would like to change? Reflect on the positives of being easygoing. Enjoying family life is one great benefit of being easygoing.

4. Play Games for Fun.
   When kids begin to play games, they don't know anything about winning or losing. All too soon they learn that winning is valued and losing is not. This puts pressure on everyone and creates stressful competition. Set the example by focusing on the joy of playing together rather than winning. Whatever you do, don't compete with your children.

5. Make a Small Change.
   Instead of teaching ambition and consumption, teach simplicity and compassion.

6. Be Flexible.
   Don't be rigid. Some experts say that you should be consistent or your children will be confused. This is ridiculous, of course, because our circumstances change daily Children become fearful and upset when parents are rigid and focus only on enforcing rules. Understand that a child's circumstances change frequently and take that into account.

7. Have Confidence.
   You may not know how to respond in an easygoing manner in every situation, but have the confidence to know that you can figure it out. This sets a great example for your kids that when they are disappointed and upset they can take setbacks stride too. Easy going is trusting that we can find a better way to fix what is troubling.

8. Don't Confuse Easygoing with Permissive. An easygoing parent does set reasonable boundaries and age appropriate expectations for their children, but they do it in a manner that inspires cooperation.

Tips & Warnings

• Go easy on yourself and you will go easy on yourself. The harder you are on yourself, the harder you are on your children.

• Read my book: "Wonderful Ways to Be a Family" (see Resources below).

Resources

• Wonderful Ways to Be a Family